The Travels and Times of an Ugly American

I'm really happy here.... trust me

2008-07-17T09:59:00.001-07:00

I'm really happy here.... trust me
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

The End of the boat era...the beginning of the LA era?

2008-07-17T09:58:00.003-07:00

The End of the boat era...the beginning of the LA era?
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Germany gets in the way of somber converstion

2008-07-17T09:58:00.001-07:00

P1020771
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Taking time to dance...essential

2008-07-17T09:40:00.001-07:00

P1020656
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Last post, last post......tonight!

2008-07-17T09:00:00.001-07:00

Okay I'm back from the ship so over the course of the next few weeks just post as many pictures as possible.

More pics from jamie's trip

2008-07-09T04:17:00.000-07:00

From Russia with love

2008-07-09T00:31:00.000-07:00

Hodge Podge

2008-06-27T06:25:00.000-07:00

Silly heads

2008-06-22T02:24:00.000-07:00

Our drunk polish friend

2008-06-18T02:10:00.001-07:00

P1020740
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

So in Germany we met a polish musician who was fun, drunk, and repeatedly attempted to make out with Erica and Jamie. Oh, european hijinks!

Holocaust memorial....bit free zone

2008-06-18T02:05:00.001-07:00

DSC09998
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Girls just want to have fun...

2008-06-18T02:04:00.001-07:00

P1020656
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Except for Ali who is wondering if Jamie and Erica are epeleptic

Castles in the Cope

2008-06-18T02:03:00.001-07:00

DSC09984
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Lion Love 2

2008-06-18T01:50:00.001-07:00

Lion Love 2
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Lion Love

2008-06-18T01:49:00.001-07:00

Lion Love
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Germany

2008-06-18T01:30:00.001-07:00

DSC00049
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

The theatre in between the two domes in Berlin

A small brewery in TIvoli

2008-06-18T01:28:00.003-07:00

DSC00051
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

In europe you drink beer, coffee, water in that order.

when birds attack

2008-06-18T01:28:00.001-07:00

DSC00034
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

So we had lunch in TIvoli and were witness to this hitchcockian sight.

Jamie and Peter European vacation "hey kids, Big Ben"

2008-06-15T01:56:00.000-07:00

Okay so Jamie is here and its been amazing. Instead of spending a lot of time talking about what's been going on. Let's just get right to the pictures, We went to Coppenhagen and Berlin and the pictures are a bit of a hodge podge of both.

2008-06-07T04:40:00.000-07:00

It's funny, before I used to get complaints that my blog was too "talky" now I look at it and see all the wonderful photos and wonder if I don't have anything to say about the experience. The more I think about trying to recount what Europe is like the more I am at a loss for words. I will say this though. A cruise ship may not be the best way to do it, but it is a great way to introduce you to this continent and make you want to come back for more.

I am writing this in Stockholm, Sweden which now hands down is my favorite port. The architecture, the people the water ways. I got totally lost for an hour and half today and never cared for a moment. (unfortunately the pictures are from Russia I will have a ton of stockholm that I will be posting soon) Europe is a wonderful place people seem far more relaxed herre. Maybe its becaue of the socialized medicine and low murder rates. They know how to enjoy themselves. I walk by parks and they are always packed with people just lying on blankets talking to other people. Not rushing around in a car talking on a cell phone but actually having human interaction. If Europeans really don't like Americans I haven't felt it. Everyone has been nothing but patient and sweet to me. Of course they could then be scoffing at me behind my back (but then I lived in the South for awhile so I'm used to that too.)

The toursist sites are wonderful and worth seeing but for me what I like best is finding some quiet spot and watching a culture surround me. On this last cruise I've spent more times at cafe's and parks just listening and watching and drawing. I feel very much at peace most of the time. In some ways it makes me sad that we Americans don't seem to know how to just stop and live and work for living instead of working to live and praying not to die.

So on this next cruise Jamie is coming. Ahhh to be in love with someone in Europe it makes you know that you are really alive.

Oh and just for fun in Russia they have Subway, they may have capitalism but the bread lines aren't leaving anytime soon. Now they just have a choice of white or wheat.

You wanted monkeys, here are you're monkeys

2008-06-05T01:36:00.001-07:00

IMG_0553
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

One of the most beautiful things about Russia, is that anything and I mean anything can happen. I was walking around hermitage square when something caught my eye. that thing was a group of monkeys in track suits. My friend Mike was kind enough to let me have a photo taken with one of the monkeys in tracksuits. Greatest trip ever.

You can stand in awe of man's acheivments and also check the time

2008-05-29T05:03:00.003-07:00

P1020426
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

Its everything you thought it would be

2008-05-29T05:03:00.001-07:00

P1020419
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

Russia

2008-05-29T05:02:00.001-07:00

P1020417
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

So now we're finally getting some russia picks in. Probably won't have enough time to get them all up. Russia some thoughts: it's like going to an alien world. Everything is so very different. From the architecture that seems to be utilized to impose and make people feel small. to naked old women doing laundry on their balconies with a grim faced sterness. To falcons in the back of hatchbacks. More on that later

P1020401

2008-05-29T04:48:00.001-07:00

P1020401
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

P1020405

2008-05-29T04:47:00.001-07:00

P1020405
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

Round tower

2008-05-29T04:32:00.001-07:00

Round tower
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

How do you want that map of the universe?

2008-05-29T04:31:00.001-07:00

How do you want that map of the universe?
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

Over easy please

The place where I pray I can get on a harold team

2008-05-29T04:30:00.001-07:00

The place where I pray I can get on a harold team
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

orante more like and-nate

2008-05-29T04:29:00.001-07:00

orante more like and-nate
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

sky high view of the cope

2008-05-29T04:28:00.003-07:00

sky high view of the cope
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

My first attempt to storm a castle

2008-05-29T04:28:00.001-07:00

My first attempt to storm a castle
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

My force of personality was not match for semi-automatics....this time.

The Lazarus Effect

2008-05-29T03:01:00.000-07:00

So what a week! I finally got the stomach virus known as GI. Another of the worst personal experiences I could realistically encounter that I can now take off my list, keeping my fingers crossed for waterboarding. yet before I found out that you can't put ten pounds of puke into a two pound bag, I had an awesome time in St. Petersburg, and also saw the Iron Man movie in Helsinki. Won't bore you with more of the chitty chat. Lets get to some photos.

we start with some more of copenhagen. Did a walking tour. best walking tour ever. Even rain couldn't dampen it.

More pics before trying a different connection

2008-05-25T05:43:00.000-07:00

More stuff from Helsinki. the stone church a must see in the Hellsink. They basically blasted a hole in a big rock and made a church around it.

Estonia 3

2008-05-22T03:23:00.001-07:00

Estonia 3
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

Estonia 2

2008-05-22T03:22:00.001-07:00

Estonia 2
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

Estonia 1

2008-05-22T03:20:00.001-07:00

Estonia 1
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

So do you like fairy tale kingdoms set on a hill? well than go to Estonia! This is the port of Tallin. Estonia has been conquered by more countries than any other place on the planet. the Estonian joke goes that they would look out their windows and see whose flag was flying so they knew who was in charge of them that day.

Helsinki? More like Heaven-sinki

2008-05-22T03:10:00.001-07:00

So Helsinki is amazing and this only a small sampling of the photos I took there. This was a lot of blogging so goodbye for now.

We are nerds

2008-05-22T03:06:00.001-07:00

P1020245
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

So we searched around this town in Rockstolm, trying to find the main shopping area (which we just missed) and ended up in this bar keeping in touch with our family and friends. I didn't take a lot of pictures in Germany on the first trip because....well I got plastered,

Hello Germany

2008-05-22T03:03:00.001-07:00

P1020248
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

So we ported in Germany in Warnermunde (spelling of town may be incorrect) a quaint port town. Ideally situated right by a train station that took us into Rockstolm. The beer in germany is everything people said it would be. In fact I ordered a sweet beer and they mixed sprite in with my beer and it ended up tasting really good.

Mike and his fan club in the cope

2008-05-22T03:01:00.001-07:00

P1020231
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

2008-05-22T03:00:00.000-07:00

I don't believe in playing favorites but here are (or were they've left the ship now) some of my favorite performers from The Jean ANne Ryan company dancers. Stevie is the brunette, Jenny is the blond, and Craig is the Australian who is about to piss in a phone booth. Why are they some of my faves? You would have to see Band on the Run to truly understand. Except for Craig who is Australian and pissed in a phone booth. How can he not be my favorite for crying out loud.

The "Cope" 3

2008-05-22T02:47:00.001-07:00

The "Cope" 3
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

Okay here is the deal. We're going to be jumping to a lot of different places. They aren't going to be in the order that I visited them. So here is copenhagen. My favorite port tied only with Stockholm.

The "Cope" 2

2008-05-22T02:46:00.001-07:00

The "Cope" 2
Originally uploaded by pedrofluet

2008-05-22T02:24:00.000-07:00

So on our first trip to Coppenhagen I will admit I was feeling overwhelmed. We had started with crossing the ocean for six days. Followed by Portugal, Spain, Dover, and now we were in yet another foreign country. With a different currency, a different language, and with little idea where to start exploring first. Copenhagen really blends the modern with their past. So on this first day I went to Tivoli gardens with Erica and Ryan. this is the place where Walt Disney got the idea for disney land. It was a really beautiful place. We didn't go on any of the rides, since the park didnt really open until 2pm. Europe is funny that way. They are in no rush.

Spain

2008-05-19T06:10:00.001-07:00

Spain
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

SOme of the interesting structures in spain.

2008-05-19T05:50:00.000-07:00

Red building

2008-05-17T03:26:00.001-07:00

Red building
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

So this was another of our spanish ports. I jumped the gun with ireland pictures, since this came before it.

Jake and Elwood in Spain

2008-05-17T03:19:00.001-07:00

Jake and Elwood in Spain
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

so in spain they had a restaurant that had american cuisine and they advertised american cuisine with the blues brothers. weird.

The Bad ass mo fo's I call friends

2008-05-14T06:46:00.001-07:00

The Bad ass mo fo's I call friends
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

2NDC welcomes Ireland! that's right they are so bad ass they entered another country and welcomed them into their sphere of power. Bono...more like Bon-who?

Creepy Dolls

2008-05-14T06:45:00.001-07:00

Creepy Dolls
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

There are times when you see something and immediately wish a particular friend was with you when you see it. this guy had rigged these dolls to play musical instruments and they were creepy as all hell. I immediately wished my friend Artemis was with me. As I feel she could best appreciate what I was seeing. Anyway here is one of the creepy dolls and if you live in the LA area please check out Artemis' show discount cruise to hell!

PUB CRAWL

2008-05-14T06:43:00.001-07:00

P1020156
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

So I'm trying to catch up. Here we are in Ireland. Waterford where they make the crystal. We spent our day crystalizing our brains with beer. Does that make any sense?

Nat Sullivan interview finale.

2008-05-14T06:25:00.001-07:00

For the one person that enjoyed this flight of fancy (namely me) here is the end of the Sullivan interview.

Her gun raises again. Her attention is finally diverted from me. I sweep her legs out from under her. She comes crashing down like a ton of bricks. I leap on her and smash her head into the floor. For some reason even after being brutally knocked out she looks so adorable. Something metallic whizzes by my face. James then howls in pain. The gun drops from his hand. Three shuriken have embedded themselves into his arm. The person who threw them is rising to his feet. Fluet looks enraged. He rushes James and tackles him.

P: I love you like a fucking brother and you fucking shoot me! Do you know who I am. Do you know my rep!

J: You’re rep ain’t shit. Pittsburg! I mean Ontario!

Peter has his thumbs embedded into James’ eyes. I grab Katy’s gun. I aim it at the back of Fluet’s head. It’s a huge target. An easy kill shot. Not like I haven’t killed before. Before I can pull the trigger though, Shawn gently takes the gun from my hand. I don’t know why but I trust him to put an end to this. Around him I feel at piece. He cracks the butt of the gun over Peter’s head. He rolls off James.

S: That’s enough bubbles. We’re done here.

P: I’m not done! I’m full of beans!

S: Do I need to go down on you?

For some reason that stops him. For the first time I actually see a wash of fear come over Fluet’s face.

P: That won’t be necessary.

S: Now stay where you are. Natalie you mind tying him up?

N: With pleasure.

I quickly tie his hands and feet together with rope from one of the pallets. I do the same to Katy and Tab. Shawn notices my notebook.

S: Man you’ve written so much you would think it was one of Fluet’s blogs.

N: It probably makes as much as sense as one of his blogs. So Shawn you’re one of the good guys right?

S: Sure why not.

N: I mean you work for the Americans right?

S: I work for the Americans.

N: Thank god. Lets get security down here.

S: I’ll call them now. Hey have some ice cream.

N: I don’t know.

He scratches my back again. I feel so warm and comfortable. I think I want ice cream. He hands me the bowl he came in with, and I gorge myself on it. Its so good, I feel like I’m drifting away. The bowl seems to shatter from miles away. I’m lying on the floor.

S: Sorry sweetie. Between the sedative my nails are laced with and the sedative in the ice cream you’re going to go to sleep now.

N: No but you work for the good guys Shawn.

S: I work for the Americans, the Isreali’s, the Iranians, the Canadians anyone who is willing to pay for my services. Night, night.

I feel a little bad for Natalie, but she signed up for this. I just know how disorientating the process can be. I had a couple of setbacks myself. But lately I’m always full of beans. We’re in the conference room, waiting to hear from Gregg. Tabetha and I have made peace. These tours near the end are fucking tough on everybody. I’m surprised James and Natalie lasted as long as they did without needing to be reprogrammed. They’re both going to be great soldiers. Hellcat (Katy) and I were able to take care of the mirror situation. Unfortunately Kwami and Gaswirth escaped us again. The Americans are using Philipinos now too. I killed four kwami’s last night. For awhile I thought he was just coming back to life, but thankfully the Philipinos reverted to their natural form. Shawn is just finishing going down on her. It’s tech jargon for a mind wipe. Shawn has a real skill on going down on people. It’s practically a complete mind wipe, and he really seems to enjoy doing it. I’ve heard it makes people just feel warm and like they want to go to sleep. James really seemed to enjoy the process. I’m not sure why I’m still writing in this notebook. I guess I feel I owe it to Natalie, or at least the Natalie personality. The sweet girl from Chicago, who never knew that she was a killing machine. Or maybe I want this all to end, expose it all. I think the other Peter that lives in my head, would love nothing more to go home to Jamie. She’s my wife, I love her. But I also love Canada and my work is far from done. I hope Gregg lets James and Natalie come to Europe with me, even though they both tried to kill me I think we make a good team. Gregg’s face finally shows up on screen.

GREGG: So congratulations. You’re doing well.

T: Well except for le femme Nat-kita over there.

G: Great pun.

T: That’s what I’m here for.

P: I think we should put them back in the field immediately, sir.

G: I disagree give them both some time off.

P: Are you sure that’s the right decision. They are very valuable assets.

G: This isn’t coming from me. It’s coming from my superiors.

Gregg steps aside and I’m looking into the face of a legend. Eugene Levy is talking to my team personally, next to him stands a dead man. John Candy looks stern, like he always does.

JOHN CANDY: We have other plans for these two. They’re going home.

EUGENE LEVY: Hellcat you’ll be going home as well.

K: Thank you, sirs.

T: What about us.

EUGENE LEVY: We want you to keep working the Caribean. Tabetha you’ll remain team leader. Mr. Hanlon thank you for all you’re hard work, Canada is in your debt.

S: Just send me my fucking ice cream.

JOHN CANDY: Will do. Now Fluet I understand you had some anger issues. We need our operatives in control.

P: It won’t happen again. I promise. I live to serve mother Canada.

EUGEN LEVY: Well lets make sure it doesn’t happen again. Shawn go down on him. Levy and Candy out!

I feel nails on my back. I break into a run. I don’t want to be reprogrammed again. Not fucking again. I can hear the sounds of Shawn’s confident footsteps behind me. I get to Natalie’s room and use my universal key to get in. Shawn is pounding on the door. I have to

finish this entry. It’s done. I’m hiding it with a bunch of her other crap that is piled to the ceiling. Maybe she’ll get around to reading this and be able to save herself unlike me. The door is breaking down. Goodbye. It’s time for me to get filled with beans.

Jan 18th, windows

N: I feel like we already did this.

P: I don’t think so. Nice notebook.

N: I think its old. There’s a bunch of writing in it. Its probably terrible sketches from when I was younger. Do you mind if we make this quick, I kind of have a head ache.

P: No problem. Me too.

N: Favorite comedian?

P: James probably already took Bill Murray, so I’ll say John Candy. Orange whip really funny.

N: Choclate or Vanilla?

P: Choclate I guess. Not as much as Shawn though.

N: Brown or black.

P: Black. Black beans.

N: What?

P: Nuthin. Next question.

N: Caribean or New England.

P: New England. I felt like I was working less.

N: Elton John or Billy Joel

P: Eugene Levy. Ha,ha I don’t know why I said that.

N: And what’s the first thing you’re going to do when you get home?

P: See if I can get my old improv team Gonzales Arrives back on its feet. Or some version of it. Maybe take the act to Europe.

N: Final question: How long will we be friends.

P: Forever I think. Unless some shadowy organization orders us to kill each other.

N: You’re such a weirdo.

Stock-homes

2008-05-14T06:07:00.000-07:00

Cold and wet in stockholm sweden, and yet I love this place. Sitting in a bar trying to call my wife via skype and I just keep getting voice mail. Not sure if its because she's not waking up or because of something I'm doing wrong. Yet its hard to get too mad because a blues band is rehearsing in the basement stage of the bar, and they're not half bad. The last few weeks obviously have been a blur and even with all the posts and pictures I'm still so behind on what has been going on. The trip as far as being an almost magical experience is a success. Now if only we could convince Europeans on the ship that we're funny. It feels like we do twice the work for half the laughs. I'm sure we'll figure it out though, and if we don't there is a wonderful bar in Stockholm with Murphy's red on tap, a good internet connection and a blues band in the basement. I think I'll be fine. Especially since I just found out from the Vatican that its okay to believe in aliens.

Just got through to my parents the skype worked way better than I thought only a little bit of the conversation was dropped. I'm actually really looking forward to them coming to visit at the end of this cruise. The internet connection seems to be good enough that I'll try to throw up some pics. I'll also put up the end of the Natalie Sullivan interview. Not that I think anyone reads it but since I've thrown so many pictures up, I feel like I should go back to what I do best. Dense written work.

Much love from this fugly american

Pirfisch

2008-05-10T04:23:00.001-07:00

Pirfisch
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Spain was a day that could only be described as pirfisch (per-feesh). Meaning nearing perfection, very good, rock your balls off awesome. used in a sentence "Erica, Mike, and Ali after exploring spain, wearing feeling and looking pirfisch."

Sp-a-a-a-a-a-ain

2008-05-10T04:14:00.001-07:00

Sp-a-a-a-a-a-ain
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

When I was on the spirit one of the German hosts was confused on why I would be excited about Spain, or I should say why if I ever went to spain i would furiously pump my fists in the air and scream spain. This was before even I knew I was going. After looking at this view, I realized I must have lived in Spain in a past life, and I'm certain I knew a German back then too who didn't understand that acting silly=funny.

Beautiful coast

2008-05-10T04:11:00.001-07:00

Beautiful coast
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Just an example of how the coast of Spain kicked ass

2008-05-10T04:08:00.000-07:00

Well the computer is running out of juice, very succesful day today. Saw a lot of Estonia (which is gorgeous) took a bunch of pictures and got more pics up then I would have thought imaginable. Just to give you some perspective. Mike loves climbing to the top of very high towers, Erica not so thrilled. There is a lot of whimsical statues in this port, and once again beautiful buildings. This ugly american gives Spain high marks. Except for the food super salty.

2008-05-10T03:22:00.000-07:00

We are moving rapidly through the baltic run. There is so much to see that its difficult to devoting a large amount of time to the blog. So photos of my trip are a little over a week behind. So anyway this was Spain, Vego was the city I believe. If I'm not spelling it right or getting the name wrong my new Natalie by the name of Erica will tease me mercilessly until I correct it. Anyway this port was wonderful. Beautiful churches, an amazing coast line where people were surfing, and a light house that nearly caused all of us to collapse in exhaustion trying to reach the top. So enjoy as many of the photos that I can get uploaded.

Signing off for today

2008-05-07T06:35:00.001-07:00

Signing off for today
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

So a lot of blogging done today. More than expected. Tomorrow I'll be in Germany and take a day off. But more to come soon. So I'll leave you with a photo of this ugly american who cannot smile naturally in a photo. Gute Nagen

more castle

2008-05-07T06:24:00.000-07:00

more castle
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

So this is inside the actual castle. A lot like the renisance (sp?) faire except for less maypoles and the stones aren't styrofoam.

New World and Old World collide

2008-05-07T06:18:00.001-07:00

New World and Old World collide
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

SuperNerds Peter Fluet and Joe Latessa

The Lisbon Castle

2008-05-07T06:17:00.001-07:00

The Lisbon Castle
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

We are in the gardens leading up to the main castle.

I keep getting more cultured

2008-05-07T06:16:00.001-07:00

I keep getting more cultured
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Mike finds a soul mate

2008-05-07T06:09:00.001-07:00

Mike finds a soul mate
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Yet the gargoyle can't commit

2008-05-07T06:08:00.003-07:00

Yet the gargoyle can't commit
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Lets get to castlin'

2008-05-07T06:08:00.001-07:00

Lets get to castlin'
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

So won't you follow John Sloan on this amazing castle tour?

entre du castle

2008-05-07T05:55:00.001-07:00

entre du castle
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

So we hit the castle in spain and we hit it hard. Being american though I have made sure to forget its proper name and refer to it as "You remember that big castle in spain, the one with all the steps, but no elevators. Yeah, the place where I ordered a large coke and they gave me a medium and then said that's a large with that ugly spanish tone of voice."

tiles 3

2008-05-07T05:52:00.003-07:00

tiles 3
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

tiles 2

2008-05-07T05:52:00.001-07:00

tiles 2
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Tiles of Lisbon

2008-05-07T05:37:00.001-07:00

Tiles of Lisbon
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Everywhere in Lisbon you find tile work. It really sets it apart from the other places that we've been. So I took a few snaps to give you an idea.

More architecture

2008-05-07T05:36:00.001-07:00

More architecture
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Castles

2008-05-07T05:35:00.001-07:00

Castles
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

In Europe castles are everywhere. It is part of their heritage, their history, and their culture. but honestly its nothing like medieval times so they all suck. Would it kill them to sell a big turkey leg?

Culture

2008-05-07T05:25:00.003-07:00

Culture
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Statues=culture I have seen a statue thereby peter=cultured. Gotta go two dogs are humping in coppenhagen and I have to point and laugh.

A church in spain

2008-05-07T05:25:00.001-07:00

A church in spain
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

we came across a beautiful church in spain in our long walk around Lisbon.

More Lisbon

2008-05-07T05:07:00.001-07:00

More Lisbon
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Nothing funny to say here. Just that this is one of the first things you see when you get off the boat.

Lisbon a go go

2008-05-07T05:05:00.001-07:00

Lisbon a go go
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

So me and my cast hit Lisbon and it quickly became apparent that as wonderful as the oppritunity to see europe on a ship is. Some places deserve way more time. Lisbon oddly enough reminded me a lot of San Francisco.

Main square in the azores

2008-05-05T04:20:00.001-07:00

Main square in the azores
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

How quaint is the Azores? Pretty fucking quaint.

Azores Parade route

2008-05-05T04:19:00.001-07:00

Azores Parade route
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

So the day we arrived in the Azores as I said there was a Festival with a parade and they marked the route with these colored wood shavings and flowers.

P1010857

2008-05-05T03:56:00.001-07:00

P1010857
Originally uploaded by feedbackjonze2000

Finding an easier way to post photos. So here is me enjoying a very tiny coffee.

The End of A Long Crossing

2008-05-05T03:05:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the inactivity my four friends and family who check this blog on a regular basis but two weeks ago we left the Caribbean for the more exotic ports of Europe. The crossing was six days long. Six days at sea can do strange things to a person. Especially when every night of the crossing they make us move our clocks ahead one hour. I filled my days with working out, writing, and getting some of the worst sleep I've ever had in my life. The first few days of the crossing I found I could never fall asleep until after four in the morning, and then the next couple of days I would wake up every two hours be up for half an hour and then have a fitful sleep for another two hours. Soon I was in a state that fluctuated between wanting to strangle everyone I saw or crying uncontrollably. then finally we hit land.

The Azores are an island chain off of Portugal. The day we arrived there was a religious festival going on. So there was a huge parade at the end of the day, but at the start of the day we got to see everyone setting up for the festival. They created these beautiful arrangements of flowers, colored sawdust, and pine leaves that marked out the parade route. Each street was responsible for their own decorations so there was a huge variety of patterns on the cobble stone streets marking the parade route. I started my trip at the Azores finding that I was the only one of my cast who was able to pull money out of the ATM’s. For once Citibank worked to my advantage. So all of us decided to have coffee at a café, I took care of everybody. (Don’t worry eventually everyone found ATM’s that worked for them and I got paid back and then some). I had a cappuccino with Johnny walker red in it and it was delightful. Hopefully I can find good internet tomorrow to show you the pictures. The town was very quaint that we were in and we went to their botanical gardens. At the end of our botanical adventure we all had to use the restroom and I decided to do a bit while I was in the bathroom where I was pretending to take a really painful dump. Unbenkownst to me just as I started my bit four nuns drove up, and got out of their car and heard me making these disgusting noises. My cast all ran away and just watched the nuns shake their head at the bathroom door and then say prayers. We finished up by watching the parade and headed back to the ship with our sanity restored. Then they moved the clocks forward again and the sun didn’t go down until 10:30.

The day after that we went to Lisbon Portugal which was just amazing. It was like the San Francisco of Europe. It had a huge bridge and their were all these narrow streets on hills. We spent six hours there and maybe saw 10% of the awesome sights. The one thing we did do was go to a castle. I took tons of pictures and just spent maybe ten minutes just looking over the sights of Lisbon. When we started our journey to the castle we went through a flea market which was adorable. There was a lot of electric typewriters, and vhs tapes being sold, it was kind of funny. Then we made our way into an amazing church, we got in just as mass was ending and the priest was nice enough to allow me to take just a few pictures inside. We stopped for a brief lunch where everyone except for me ordered hamburgers. I had a spanish omellete and a very strong coffee (a coffee which haunted me later on the ship.) All in all except for the lunch we walked for six hours that day.

So when I write you next I'll tell you about Vigo spain, or the most infamous day in my cast's short history. I would add pictures but my cast mate Ryan is using up all the bandwith at the place we're at downloading a Stone Roses Album and an old Ali McBeal episode.

Much love

Peter

Just a quick update

2008-04-29T03:11:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting in a castle in lisbon portugal that for some reason has wireless internet. don't worry I'l go back to experiencing culture immediately but it did seem funny to me.

Love you all,

Peter

2008-04-20T10:30:00.000-07:00

So this week was exhausting in both good and bad ways. The start of our last week in the caribbean was excellent we explored caves went snorkeling we hiked we explored.

2008-04-20T08:19:00.000-07:00

pics

2008-04-20T08:10:00.000-07:00

Trying to get as many pictures in as I can.

Sullivan interview part three

2008-04-19T12:27:00.001-07:00

So here is the third part of the natalie sullivan interview. With any luck tommorrow being my last day in America for awhile I might be able to get a bunch of pictures up. But for now more weird and dense writing. read at your peril...of boredom

Tabetha my roommate, my friend has just come in with a sub-machine gun and she’s pointing it at me.

P: Tabetha look this is just a hiccup.

T: Pierre, we shouldn’t even be having this conversation. Bogart just called me about the Borgnine snafu. We are not here to kill just anybody, just who we’re assigned to kill. I swear you’ll pay for this, the next running order you’re in Sing It.

P: I didn’t kill Borgnine. Sullivan did.

T: You wouldn’t even be down here if you hadn’t insisted on the interview! I told you I could take care of her.

P: Like you took care of the bankers in Aruba? Gregg is still pissed about the mess you made there.

I wince as Tabetha gives Fluet a round house kick to the face. She’s on him like a cat. The sub-machine gun is inserted so deftly and quickly into his mouth, that Fluet is still trying to talk without realizing his brains are about to be splattered all over the floor. I can’t move, all I can do is write. I think Tabetha is going to kill me, next.

T: Shut you’re fucking mouth, filth. You don’t have the right to even say his name. You just call him sir, like the rest of us.

N: Gregg is in charge? He seemed so nice.

T: He is nice.

JAMES: No, he’s not. He’s a monster like the rest of us. Get the gun out of Pierre’s mouth, Tab. Now!

James has just walked in. He looks like he has been crying for the last four hours. He has a gun trained on Tabetha. Tabetha reluctantly pulls the gun out of Fluet (Pierre’s?) mouth and steps back.

P: Thank you James. At least someone’s programming is working properly. Now James take the gun from Tabetha and we’ll hash this out.

J: Go to hell.

My best friend, my sweet baby James has just kicked Fluet in the mouth. Fluet is making his patented out of control vomiting noises, except now he is vomiting up blood. James will not stop kicking him in the stomach.

J: You turned me into this you son of a bitch. I’ve killed ten people over this cruise, innocent fucking people man.

P: None of them we’re innocent. And I didn’t make you this James you chose this.

J: I just wanted to see the world. I wanted to get out of Ontario.

P: He’s from Ontario. Right. That’s right. I remember now.

T: This is exactly why Gonzalez Arrives is a mistake. Theses soldiers can’t keep their shit together.

P: No, Gonzalez Arrives works! We’ll just have to continue their education a little longer. This is precisely why new members of Gonzalez Arrives are placed with more senior members. Gregg agrees with me, you know he does.

N: Who else needs their education continued? Katy is a part of this too?

J: No, Natalie. It’s you. You’re part of Gonzalez Arrives.

P: You always have been.

No, no, no. It isn’t true. I’m not part of Gonzalez Arrives. I’m not a killer. Or am I. Visions flashing in front of my eyes. A congressman in Bar Harbor. Chinese Triads in St. John. The four people drowned in the caves in Belize. My name is Natalie Sullivan my parents traveled all over the world. We spent many years in Toronto. Is that right? That can’t be right. Can it? I’m a member of Comedy Sportz Chicago! (Toronto) I did long form at improv Olympic. I was approached by a Canadian official after doing a Harold at a Horton’s donuts. I don’t say a-boot. A-boot. That was the bit James and I were doing, we were pretending what it would be like if we were Canadian and somehow we ended up being our actual selves for the first time in years. We were part of Gonzalez Arrives, we were recruits together, lovers for a time, and then finally settling into a deep friendship. We took care of each other when the program got tough on both of us. We wanted to bring glory to Canada, we thought we could be killers maybe we were wrong. Or worse. What if we were right? I don’t remember it all. Do I remember enjoying the killing. We met Fluet there years ago. So fucking cocky and smug talking about the rep he had in LA. How high up he was in the organization he fucking practically took responsibility for creating the whole program. Well if he wants to take responsibility for it, he can have it because I’m going to fucking kill him.

T: Why does she keep writing?

P: Something caused a glitch in her programming. In both of them actually.

I nearly killed Fluet. I could feel his life slipping away from between my fingers clenched around his throat. James kept Tabetha covered. Although I think Tabetha wanted me to go through with it. Then the next thing I knew James was on the ground unconscious, and our music director Katy had thrown me against the wall and then knocked me out cold with a right hook forged in hell. Katy is currently standing on my neck and yet I keep writing.

KATY: We need to get back up there. The mirrors will get suspicious soon.

Mirrors?

T: Well we can’t send these two back up there. There programming is obviously not working.

P: It’s a fucking glitch. It happens. It’s like when I stop drinking diet coke and smoking. There is a breakdown in the wall between personalities. We’ll figure out what caused it and correct it. They are the best products that black ops or improv have ever produced! Lets get a game of Fred Schneider going it should reboot them. Silly warm ups seem to have a powerful effect on Natalie.

K: WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR FRED SCHNEIDER! JUST HAVE THEM DO UNIQUE NEW YORK. THE MIRRORS WILL START GETTING SUSPICIOUS.
N: Mirrors?

James’ eyes start to flutter open. We share a brief look, one of sad understanding. We might not get out of this.

N: How are you doing James?

J: (Weakly) Ontario.

He tries to do a fist pump. He can barely make a fist much less pump it. I need to save him.

N: Please let him go. I’ll do whatever you want.

K: I know you will bitch. Repeat after me you know New York, you need New York, you know you need unique New York. SAY IT!

N: You know New York, you need New York, you know you need unuck Noo Yak.

P: She’s not doing it right.

T: Gaswirth and Reuben are probably suspicious by know.

P: Reuben’s so smart he probably got suspicious as soon as we weren’t there for In the Mix.

N: What do Nick and Reuben have to do with this?

K: They’re our fucking mirrors, don’t you remember anything. Tab call Gregg see if we can waste these two.

N: Katy we’re friends.

K: Yeah, we are and I fucking love you Natalie but I’m not getting killed by those NSA fucks for you.

N:Rueben and Nick are NSA.

P: The Americans have become suspicious of us. They have created their own program of covert operatives to try and stop us. The NCL Production company are actually NSA,CIA and FBI operatives who went under a similar procedure to Gonzalez Arrives.

N: I wish Gonzalez would fucking depart.

P: If we were in a more public setting and not in the middle of this shit storm I might over react to that statement and leave the room. Anyway for each one of us they have to mirrors to stop us. You’re mirrors are Gaswirth and Katherine. Mine are Bree and Reuben. Reuben has come very close to stopping me on several occasions.

K: He’s so fucking smart, it’s like fucking scary. Like he’s a fucking psychic.

P: He didn’t get the role of IQ in Hairspray for nothing. Eventually before the crew ends our orders are to eliminate them. I assume their orders are the same.

N: I have to kill Nick and Katherine. I won’t.

P: You will.

K: Cut the fucking chatter lets get up to Majarini’s before they come down here and see us with our thumbs up our fucking asses.

P: I agree. Lets knock them out and try to persuade the mirrors they became overly intoxicated on libations.

SHAWN: I can hear you all the way from deck 5 poopsies. What’s going on.

N: Shawn drop you’re ice cream, you’re in danger none of them are who they say they are.

S: I got it covered.

He pulls Katy off my neck and gives my back a good scratching. He helps James to his feet.

J: Thanks man.

S: No problem. Lets go upstairs and sort this all out.

T: Fine. You two keep you’re mouths shut or I swear to god I will blow you’re faces off. I love you both but this mission is too important.

Tabetha holds up her semi threateningly she has taken her eyes off James. He cracks her in the head with his elbow, and then brings her head down into his knee. He confiscates the gun. Shawn just looks on bemused eating his ice cream. Katy raises her gun to James. James removes Katy from his sights, and instead shoots Fluet in the shoulder.

K: I can live with that.

J: We’re going upstairs, and we’re going to see security.

K: Like hell.

Her gun raises again. Her attention is finally diverted from me. I sweep her legs out from under her. She comes crashing down like a ton of bricks. I leap on her and smash her head into the floor. For some reason even after being brutally knocked out she looks so adorable. Something metallic whizzes by my face. James then howls in pain. The gun drops from his hand. Three shuriken have embedded themselves into his arm. The person who threw them is rising to his feet. Fluet looks enraged. He rushes James and tackles him.

P: I love you like a fucking brother and you fucking shoot me! Do you know who I am. Do you know my rep!

J: You’re rep ain’t shit. Pittsburg! I mean Ontario!

Peter has his thumbs embedded into James’ eyes. I grab Katy’s gun. I aim it at the back of Fluet’s head. It’s a huge target. An easy kill shot. Not like I haven’t killed before. Before I can pull the trigger though, Shawn gently takes the gun from my hand. I don’t know why but I trust him to put an end to this. Around him I feel at piece. He cracks the butt of the gun over Peter’s head. He rolls off James.

S: That’s enough bubbles. We’re done here.

P: I’m not done! I’m full of beans!

S: Do I need to go down on you?

So instead of bitching....lets start bleating

2008-04-15T14:56:00.000-07:00

I feel like my blog lately has been one part my travels and two parts bitching about how Im having trouble uploading pictures. so I say lets stop bemoaning bad internet and instead tell a story to pass the time while I wait to see if a picture of Koko appears on this page.

Once upon a time, on a small island there lived a small goat. Although to him this island was quite large, in fact he had no idea that it was an island at all for within the twenty acres that he roamed with his family that was all he knew of the world. The goat's name was Terri Brambles. Now all goats are given extremely long first names. It is part of their heritage as being as they believe God's finest creation, and their names reflect the hard work that God put into them. Their first names on average take five days and twenty-three hours to say. There names being symbolic of the time it took for God to create the goat. The other hour he used to create the universe. So in the goat world it is not unheard of to only have your full name said three times in your entire life. Once when you are born, (the parents take turns saying the name), once when you're married (the ceremonies are quite long, as you can imagine!), and once when you die whereupon the entire herd will each say a few parts of your name (this limits funerals to only two days.)

Now as far as Terri's last name. Every goat has their own unique last name. Terri's last name came from his love of the bittersweet berries that grew in abundance in his area of the world. Unfortunately they were usually protected by thickets and brambles. Terri loved the berries so much though, that often he would stick his head right into a thicket and end up with a collar of brambles around his neck. Brambles his mother was losing patience in removing week after week, so most times if you saw Terri there were at least a few brambles around his neck.

Terri was black with white feet, small nubs for horns and a white stripe going down between his eyes and horns. His tail was sightly larger than average, something he got from his father's side. His eyes were golden with flecks of orange, and his tongue pink and long. He believed his voice quite beautiful and because he believed in its inheirent loveliness he liked to say everything loudly. So the world could better hear him. More often than not though, the rest of the goats in his world wished Terri would give it a rest. For when he was supposed to be napping under the mango tree with the other goat kids, he would frequently wander off to the edge of a cliff and call to his mother informing her loudly that he could not sleep because of the buzzing of the bees, or the twittering of the trash birds, or the crashing of the ocean was keeping him awake. His mother would crossly tell him to go back to napping so she could have a moment's peace.

WELL I GUESS THE PICTURE IS NOT COMING SO MORE ON TERI BRAMBLES LATER.......

2008-04-15T11:53:00.000-07:00

Ryan says more pictures soon!

Enough for today, maybe more in Antigua

2008-04-11T11:02:00.000-07:00

Erica feels the same way that I do. That trying to post photos in a timely manner is causing her to become an alcoholic.

I have to get back to the boat. So maybe in antigua my conneciton will be good enough to show you second city backstage, and get to the profiles of my new cast.

Blog you later!

Drips and drabs

2008-04-11T10:47:00.000-07:00

I slowly gain headway in photo posting more from the auction. Ali gets down to the smooth groove and Mike institutes phase 2 of destroying Erica and Ryan's marriage. Sowing seeds of distrust while enjoying beer on a comfy couch.

2008-04-11T09:51:00.000-07:00

More of the nine day

2008-04-11T09:18:00.000-07:00

So we've just finished our last five day cruise but due to internet issues I'm still finishing up last week's nine day. So enjoy auctions and some other stuff.

As if there wasn’t enough drinking this week. They also had a crew party. They were doing an auction of crew members where if you were the winning bidder you would get to have dinner with another crew member. The proceeds went to crew welfare so I guess they could get more refrigerators for the room. Yeah, that’ll make an 18 hour shift in an engine room that much easier. Anyway Ali and Mike hosted and they did a great job.

Before that though they had a talent show. I tried to take pictures but it was too dark. They extended the party till 2:30 AM because the auction went so long. We ended the evening by doing a conga line for no good reason and then being the last people on the dance floor dancing like idiots.

Which for us isn’t that unusual. See the first week we were here I sang karaoke. 1. Because I love it. 2. Because they have videos while you sing the song. Now on another blog form another second city member had a video of the video for the song reunited. I don’t want to ruin it for you but it revolves around an American icon getting his girl back from a bad guy and climbing trees.

The video filled us so full of beans that when we went up to the spinnacker lounge that when the elevator doors opened this old couple were waiting to get on, and instead of politely getting out, we instead screamed at them and kept screaming until we hit the dance floor and then cleared it with our insane dance moves . I worry that if we keep it up we’ll be kept in the brig like animals and only allowed out during show time.

Dragon

2008-04-09T11:13:00.000-07:00

Trying to make a concentrated effort to get all this blogging done. Yet, every place I go lets me upload A picture and then gives me trouble when I attempt to upload more. So anyway they had a talent show on the ship and this guy did a native dance where he was dressed as a dragon. It was pretty awesome. As awesome as my thoughts on how we are poised on the brink of a south american renessaince led by a socialist commonwealth, probably not. But erica if you want my thoughts on that you're going to have to ask!

To Round out an ugly american

2008-04-09T11:07:00.000-07:00

My castmate Ryan is putting together a blog of his own please check it out

http://fulanodetal.wordpress.com/

His pictures are way better than mine, and once again he seems to have a handle on narrative flow better than I do. So if you like a logical progression of the events that unfold during our cruise please keep checking back to his blog. If you like chaos in your blogs then stay with this ugly american.

Rum party contd'

2008-04-08T12:37:00.001-07:00

Internet being what it is some of the pictures are on the last post and some are here.

So both the improv and the sketch shows were good this week. I feel like I have a real handle on the sketch show and I’m getting to experiment with how I approach each of the scenes. Even my character from pictionary is turning into something different than what it was on the Spirit. The show is exhausting though. One because I need to be in better shape and two I’m in a lot of the show either jumping around, dancing, or screaming.

To celebrate how well our sketch shows went we decided to have a Rum party. The Gowlands had been given a huge amount of rum by Erica’s folks. So we decided to do some cast bonding, and to make things more interesting we decided to play a game of Asshole. Except instead of sipping beer we’d be sipping rum. Things of course went off the rails pretty fast. Soon the president of the game was making up rules that included us giving personal information to each other, and working out hypothetical situations where if we didn’t have significant others which of the Jean Anne Ryan company dancers we would do and why. It seemed weird that when I answered honestly that there was that much glee in my choice, and joking threats of telling my wife. I think when my cast is drunk they forget what hypothetical means. It means imaginary. Although maybe I was too graphic in my descriptions for comedic effect. My wife Jamie can attest to the fact that when it comes to coming up with gross sexual hypotheticals I’m in another league, a league that I think is only inhabited by myself and my friend Brent Gordon.

Soon we were drunk enough, that like all good improvisers we started joking about rape. I believe at one point I said something like ‘Sorry for raping you, I thought I gave you exctasy but it turned out it was a rufee. Trust me I am having stern words with my dealer. Love Peter.” The next thing I know I look up from pouring a drink and everyone is wearing name tags saying “Sorry for raping you, love Peter.” I had to admit that it made me laugh. Then a few rounds later I look up from my cards and everyone is wearing name tags that read “Sorry for stealing you’re identity. Love Peter.” While funny it made me think maybe I should be a little more discerning about what information I give these people. We then decided we should get some food before the crew bar closed, we arrived five minutes too late and decided to dance out our frustrations. After we closed out the crew bar we went back to the rum room now with a bunch of other people in tow. This is where things get hazy. I know we played more asshole and there were some startling revelations that I will not include here, and then the next thing I knew me and Ryan were talking very loudly about improv and it was six in the morning. At which point I called it a night.

The improv shows were very good, but not because of my contributions. I never quite got over the rum from the previous night. So through both the shows I felt like a passenger and not a participant in the show. I hate that feeling. Especially when the rest of my cast is making brilliant choices and I can’t seem to rise to their level. Anyway I went to bed early and promised myself I would do better next week.

The first show was so family friendly and yet funny that I was truly agape in amazement. The kids went nuts for us and I’ve never seen people so eager to be participants. This one little boy came up and helped us with a game where we’re asked questions and each of us only says one word at a time. The kid couldn’t stop laughing and he had such an adorable laugh that shook his whole body. His grandmother later told us that he saw our sketch show and asked her if people could actually get paid to be funny. After she told him yes, he decided at the age of six that’s what he wanted to do. Youth of America you’re welcome for inspiring you.

The second show or adults only show was the perfect blend of risky material and just good solid scene work. It never got to gross or offensive. Once again the audience went apeshit. Damn this a good cast.

So for the record, Jamie I pantomimed have disgusting sex with another person. If I have broken the trust between us I understand, but let me assure that pantomime woman means nothing to me. I love you baby, I love you. Besides blame the Gowlands for shoving that invisible slut at me. There was a lot of rum and I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Oh by the way pantomime girl said she missed her period, don’t worry I’ll take care of it. I’ve just met a pantomime doctor who says he can take care of it for me. See nothing to worry about. Oh shit, the pantomime doctor just shot the pantomime girl in the stomach. Oh crap he’s a pantomime psycho with a phd not a real hypothetical doctor!! Whew! He was just eaten by a hypothetical bear. See baby problem solved!

2008-04-08T11:18:00.000-07:00

More pics before trying a different connection

2008-04-08T10:39:00.000-07:00

Some final pics from Antigua and we move on to auctions, rum parties(The first pic is posted here), and some backstage stuff. Hopefully the internet connection will pick up and we can get to profiles as well.

Nine day continued

2008-04-08T10:12:00.001-07:00

Tuesday was Antigua and we went to a huge resort called Jolly Harbor. It was a twenty minute bus ride to get there. The buses here are basically mini-vans and for some reason many of my fellow tourists are surprised when locals hop in as well. Apparently when you’re on vacation the word bus and taxi should mean the same thing. We had intermittent rain through the day, but the beach itself was wonderful. Erica made an astute observation that the countryside of Antigua made her think of the Midwest. I agreed there seemed to be a lot of grassy plains, and hills. The feel of the place didn’t scream tropical. At one point our bus driver stopped to give money to a fruit stand in front of a school. I didn’t know what he was doing and I thought he had stopped the bus just to talk to somebody. I thought it was kind of funny so I took a picture. The woman he was talking to was not pleased. He started shouting obscenities at the van. I thought about it for a while as to why she would be mad, and then I figured to her my snapping a picture was an act of arrogance. As if I was sitting in the van thinking “How adorable! They’re trying to raise money for a school by selling fruit. These people are so precious.” Which I wasn’t I was sitting in the van thinking ‘How adorable! He just stopped the van to talk to someone instead of taking us where we want to go. How funny. These people are just precious.” Its easy to fall into the arrogant tourist trap. Especially when you’re going to a beautiful resort to lie around on a beach, on a Tuesday.

Wendsday Bridgetown Barbados. Barbados for the most part reminds me a lot of Cazumel. Its not as gross but it does seem to have completely surrendered itself to the tourist market. Although I’m sure if I went in with Felipe he would take me to some museum and I’d feel like a dick. Went to the boat yard again. Which is just a nice beach and a crazy bar that the crew tends to go to. Didn’t bring my camera though.

I just took a break from writing and ran into Felipe and he mentioned that they have a national park in Barbados he’s thinking of checking out. Ahhhh Felipe stop putting the mirror up to this ugly American.

Thursday St. Lucia. I’m not a fan. Maybe I’m just not giving it a chance. Its just that whenever I get off the boat at this place the merchants are extremely aggressive about selling trinkets and island tours. Its like Roatan in that way, and I always end up hating myself a little because I become the guy who doesn’t even make eye contact with the people and pretending they just don’t exist.

We then finish things off with two days at sea. By the second sea day I have now spent three days straight on the boat. I tend to have little anxiety attacks by the third day. At which point a long walk around the ship tends to settle them down. I worry about the six days at sea we will spend to get to Europe. Since I will also be making yet another attempt to quit smoking. I see a lot of laps around the boat in my future

Sullivan Interview Part Two

2008-04-08T10:07:00.001-07:00

We continue with the lost sullivan interview. Last time we checked in Natalie had just learned there was more to going to Roatan than she thought. Part of this explosive interview now.

P: Wow what a mess.

N: I thought he was you. The heavy footsteps, the labored breathing.

P: I know I have to quit smoking.

N: Do you think it hurt him?

P: You smashed his face in with a fire extinguisher. My guess is…yes.

N: Is it really him?

P: Yes, Natalie. You just killed Ernest Borgnine. I don’t know which is worse that you killed a beloved screen icon or that he makes you think of me.

N: I didn’t even know Ernest Borgnine was on the boat.

P: He was here to visit our beloved cruise director Darin. They actually were close friends.

N: What was he doing down here?

P: He’s like a hundred years old, he probably got lost. The better question is why you haven’t smashed my face in with that fire extinguisher.

N: I don’t…I don’t know…maybe because I think you have a gun and you’re not afraid to use it on me.

P: Well I do have gun, but I don’t want to use it on you. In fact I can’t use it on you because I haven’t been given that order.

N: Why did you kill those men?

P: It was my mission. I’m on this cruise to help destabilize certain central American governments. Those men were radicals who were trying to persuade their people into a new way of looking at foreign relations.

N: So you became an improviser as a cover for being a government asassain?

P: Sort of. Many improvisers have a certain moral flexibility that suits us very well to this line of work. Improvisers are recruited into these types of things.

N: I don’t understand…

P: I promise I’ll explain but first we have to clean up your mess. (Fluet pulls out a walkie talkie) I have a clean up deck three. I know you’re busy but this is a priority! It’s definitely a two man job. Tell him Natalie is down here. (He turns off the walkie talkie) Sit tight this will be all taken care of in a minute Sullivan. Are you still writing? That’s turning into quite an obsession.

N: I can’t stop.

P: Don’t worry I understand. We all deal with this differently. You should see the stuff I draw after I complete a mission. This one time I decapitate a guy with some hedge clippers and that night I drew a goat riding a squirrel. I called the picture emperor goat. Weird huh?

DARIN EARL: Ernest? You down here? Ernest?

Oh my god! What have I just done? I just smashed our cruise director’s face in with a fire extinguisher. I just keep bashing and bashing.

P: Well he’s not going to need anymore juice. How many people are you going to kill tonight Sullivan?

N: I’m going crazy.

P: No, you’re just in a very emotionally excited place right now.

BOGART: Hey Mr. Peter. Oh wow, this is a real mess.

ARNOLD: Heeeeeeey Natalie. You do this?

I’m watching in horror as Bogart and Arnold my room stewards start shoving Ernest Borgnine and Darin Earl into plastic bags. Standing behind them our two philipino servers.

P: You know what Darin used to say about what George Burns used to say “You’re only as old as the women you’re feeling.”
BOGART: That is a terrible joke.

P: I know I’m glad he won’t be saying it anymore.

ARNOLD: Heeeeeeeeeey Natalie. I once killed a guy too, maybe we should hang out.

BOGART: Arnold focus on you’re work!

Bogart just slapped Arnold. Arnold pulls out a knife. Fluet pulls a gun on both of them.

P: Everybody settle down. Finish you’re work. You two servers can you replicate them?

I must be crazy or a dream or maybe its both. Maybe I’m asleep in an insane asylum somewhere because there is no way I’m seeing what I think I’m seeing. The philipino servers give a curt nod to Fluet. Then they’re bodies stretch and almost melt like candle wax. Their bodies seize violently as they shift, transform, become Darin Earl and Ernest Borgnine.

P: Natalie stop violently puking. I know its gross. OK I’m going to lay all my cards on the table. Philipinos have evolved to the point that they can not only mimic the song stylings of American pop stars but can actually mimic people. The men I killed in Roatan have been replaced by most of the servers at Blue Lagoon. The people I work for have a deal with the Philipino mafia to help us in our goals of world transformation.

N: I can’t handle this. I can’t handle this.

P: Sullivan just listen to me. Do you want a smoke?

N: I don’t smoke.

P: Sometimes you smoke.

N: Yeah. Sometimes.

P: It’ll help. Here have one. Don’t worry I’ve got a lighter. Better?

N: No. Tell me everything.

P: For awhile my bosses have been cherry picking improvisers to act as a black ops corps. They use a variety of techniques to create two separate entities in one body. One of these entities is an improviser trying to find work as actor, the other is a hardened killer willing to die to complete its mission. The improviser has no knowledge of the killer.

N: How do they do this?

P: Oh the techniques? Drugs, hypnosis, chips implanted in the brain, a lot of zip zap zop and up you’re butt.

N: So which is the real you?

P: Both. I am both the Peter Fluet who spends an inordinate time with comic books, who is happily married, and I am also the Peter Fluet who snapped the neck of Guatemalan president and had him replaced by one of the members of Next Stage. You see to keep the personality split working correctly one needs to be in an almost constant state of improv to keep up the more pedestrian aspect of our lives.

N: This makes no sense.

P: You should really be watching Lost.

N: Lost explains this?!

P: No, but you should be watching it. Eight years ago I started doing improv and was contacted by a government agency. I believed in their goals and went through their training center to become this. The program that created me and the others like me was called Gonzalez Arrives. I was a founding member.

N: But James…James was a member of Gonzalez arrives.

My head is reeling. I’m watching the Philipino Ernest Borgnine and Darin Earl walk away as Bogart and Arnold are shoving two corpses out of a porthole.

P: James still is a member of Gonzalez arrives. He’s young but he’s been doing good work on this cruise. Although I need to speak to his trainers they really went into overkill in convincing him he’s from Pittsburg.

N: James isn’t from Pittsburg?

P: No one is that proud of Pittsburg.

N: Then where is he from?

P: Toronto I think, maybe Ontario.

N: He’s not even American?

P: No. Wait did you think we were working for the Americans? Oh Natalie. We work for the Canadians. I’ve told you from the start I was French Canadian. We are part of the first strike of the Canadian plan for world domination. Most of my time in Los Angeles was spent getting Arnold Schwarzenegger replaced by a Philipino and also selling sub-prime loans.

N: So Second City is just a front for Canadian black ops?

P: No. They have no idea what we’re doing. Its just convenient with all their touring companies it keeps our travel expenses low for our work. I mean come on we’re Canada we’re not rolling in money. But that is changing. Thanks to our work the Candian dollar is finally stronger than the American dollar. Wow. You can write fast Sullivan. You’re going to need another notebook soon.

N: Who else?

P: Who else?

N: Is it just you and James?

P: Well come on there is one of us who admits their a Canadian.

N: I don’t believe Tabetha is a part of this.

P: She’s the company manager who do you think I get my orders from? Beth Kligerman? Kelly Leonard? Don’t make me laugh. Tabetha is here to make sure we get our jobs done, and we get them done quickly and cleanly.

TABETHA: And this has just turned into a fucking mess Pierre.

More to come on tuesday in cazumel

2008-04-06T10:26:00.000-07:00

I'm just glad I got a few more photos in. More on tuesday. Plus part 2 of the Sullivan interview