Short post today. I'm in Somala beautiful british virgin island and yesterday I was in Tortola not quite as nice island. As usual internet connections very slow but tons of pictures will be forthcoming.
We have another four days until our next show so the cast and I are just getting to know each other.
Quick rundown of last week....
Leaving chicago at 4am worst thing ever. Until....
We tired to get on the ship in Miami. Long, long, wait with a bunch of tired people and I had no smokes. We create a new bit called "breaking point." We all hit it at one point or another.
The ship is huge and confusing. Some of us in crew cabins, some in passenger. I end up with the first shift of having my own room.
We find out our first show is tuesday. Hooray a day and a half to rehearse a somewhat complicated show that relies heavily on physical bits timed to music.
Don't even leave the ship in cazumel. Try desperately to get a handle on lines.
Show night. Everything goes almost without a hitch. Our easel in pictionary completley falls apart and my role of angry husband transforms into slightly abusive husband as I yell at my wife to hold the pad over her face so I can't see the laughter in her eyes. Both sketch shows though end with standing ovations. Nice.
We had to write our own blackouts one of mine works great the other I wrote gets cut because the picture people weren't dressed as pirates in cazumel.
it's spring break week, so a lot of twenty somethings acting like idiots.
See the show Band on the Run. It opens with a pre-recorded message from Florence Henderson talking about the music of the seventies and ends with a bunch of people on stage wearing dog collars and leopard print jackets singing we will rock you. My mind is blown out of the back of my skull.
Went to Grand Cayman and a wonderful beach called cemetary beach about fifteen people including us were there. Did some snorkeling. Very relaxing.
On the way to Cemetary Beach an even uglier american than myself sits next to me in the cab and proceeds to bitch about everything. My cast and I imitate and mock him for the next week.
Scriptless shows. The first one was weak. We never really found our footing and it was a very meh show, We rally for the second show and once again get standing ovations. Drunk spring breakers love us, and the word douchebag.
I get invited to do a game show called liars club. Seems like it will be fun. I am part of a panel including one of my cast mates Ali and the cruise director and assistant cruise director. When no one laughs at assistant cruise directors joke he starts telling the audience how stupid and retarded they are. Then he and the cruise director get into a battle of words which just turns ugly. I pray that at any moment people in dog collars and leopard coats will start singing we will rock you and save me.
We say goodbye to our director and producer. We are now on our own. Europe beckons.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Thursday, March 6, 2008
The first two days.
I promise I'll talk about my cast more soon.
3/4/08
So for the first time ever I’m really, really, comfortable on an airplane ride. Not to say that I don’t enjoy flying. I do, I really do. The problem has been that being as tall as I am, and broad shouldered I often feel cramped on these flights. Worried to take up to much space, worried that whomever is sitting next to me isn’t quietly cursing their bad luck to be seated next to a large person. I realize that is mostly my mind at work, but some things just become so ingrained. Such as being polite to whomever is sitting next to me. Today, though I have no one sitting next to me, in fact no one is sitting on either side of me. Whomever was supposed to be sitting in seats 14E and 14 F never showed, so for the first time ever I have a row to myself. It’s a nice way to start the second leg of my trip. With karma showing itself so blatantly, reminding me to keep my attitudes positive and my mind open.
You see earlier this morning when I arrived at the airport I went to Starbucks and placed my usual order of a venti mocha. I figured coffee would be a good thing considering how little sleep I had gotten the night before, and plus I had at least two hours to kill before my flight took off. So anyway I place the order and stand like a rat waiting for a pellet at the end of the counter. When an older woman, African American, wearing a very fancy scarf and sweater. Rushes up beside me and places her rather large purse on the pick up counter. She basically starts emptying out the contents of her purse all over it. I sighed heavily in mind. It seems when people travel they forget about most of the common courtesies. I don’t know if its because we focus so much on the the hassle of getting through security, finding our gates, and trying to convince ourselves the full to bursting bag should be considered a carry on. So this woman whom I’m sure was trying to find something drastically important in the fulfillment of her reaching her flight was forgetting that people needed to pick up their coffee from that counter. She hunted through packs of gum business cards, and hair clips finally finding five crumpled singles. She smiled at me broadly. I wasn’t sure why she needed the five bucks considering we all should have already paid before reaching the pickup counter, but I’m sure she had her reasons,
She held the five dollars tightly in her fist and swept everything else back into her purse in a single graceful motion. As if she was an old hand at vomiting up her life in public places, and then adeptly re-ingesting it back again into the black hole of her purse. The kind girl with the sad eyes, of someone who works in an airport starbucks politely called out. “VENTI MOCHA, UP!” I put down my bag and jacket so that I could receive my purchase and as I stood up I was greeted with an amazing sight. The woman was still smiling broadly at me, as she threw down the five dollars, grabbed MY mocha, threw that same smile to our disinterested barista, told her “keep the change!” and proceeded to quickly walk away with my mocha. I dumbly said “hey!” and she called back over her shoulder “thank you, sorry for the incovenience!”
WHAT THE FUCK? Was what the look both me and my barista shared. I briefly thought about chasing her down grabbing my mocha, throwing her to the ground, and then throwing the mocha, in her face. Was their really a person that existed that felt so self important that they could kidnap my coffee. Not even most of the people who grace the cover of US Weekly seemed that bold, and yet this woman had done just that. Should I punish her presumption, should I make a scene, a scene so large that it would make the final report in the evening news. The kind of reports that show the silly side of human life, where some guy has a woman arrested for “stealing(?)” his coffee. The more I thought of doing it the more ridiculous it seemed. I had two hours to go until my flight, almost a week to go until I got on the boat, and almost five months to go before I was home again where I could have a venti mocha that I could feel so protective of. Why bother hunting down a woman who needed caffeine more than I did. I simply showed my barista, my receipt, and within two minutes (two minutes where all she could talk about was how unbelievable that the woman had just done what she did, and I just nodded agreement not wanting to explain that as far as weird things in my life this hardly makes the top thirty) I had another mocha. I had been slightly inconvenienced and I feel now as I stretch my legs leisurely like a Persian cat on a leather sofa that patience, and kindness are truly sometimes rewarded.
Now if I could just get this bitch stewardess over here to give me another diet coke. Doesn’t she know who the fuck I am and that I have things to do?
3.5.08
So technically its now 3/6/08 but why quibble over numbers, I’ve met my cast and as far as I can tell I’m in very good shape. Don’t get me wrong I’m still horrible at meeting new people, and I harbor the suspicion that this new cast can’t really stand me. I’m sure I’m wrong but who knows we still have four months together. The apartment we’re staying at is once again amazing. It makes me hope that maybe just maybe I might get asked to perform in Chicago and stay in one of these places longer than a week. I am truly blessed. The apartment is great, the people are better (even if they secretly hate me). We did an hour meeting today and that was all we had to do. So I bought comic books and then watched a zombie movie which was delightfully bad. Once again totally blessed to have seen diary of the dead. WATCH IT! JUST FOR THE GUY WHO PLAYS THE FILM TEACHER. HE IS LIKE A GOOSE LAYING GOLDEN EGG AFTER GOLDEN EGG!
So the more important portion of today resides in me reconnecting with my oldest friend. I am ashamed to say in the last few years we haven’t spoken nearly as much as we should and I feel I am mostly to blame for that. What with being busy with shows and being married I feel like I have neglected one of my best friends in the world. I spent the evening with him and I realized just how long I’ve known him. TWENTY FUCKING YEARS!!!!! You know anyone that long, much less experienced what the two of us have experienced together (completely heterosexual hi-jinks of the highest order) and you realize how important those touchstones to your past are. Frankly my memory is so horrible that I could not name ten people I went to high school with, but thankfully I have that one person who is a key to the person I was that makes the roadmap to who I am so much clearer. I won’t go into to much detail but we went to a bar that we were practically the only patrons in and we were able to happily wallow in our past, and realize even though to the casual observer that our life paths are completely different, that we as human beings all go through the same shit. I love my friend now more than I think I ever have. Because his life is changing and in some ways he is so completely new to me and yet he reminds me of who I have been, and by who I have been I mean some of the best parts of who I am that I should always hold on to,
I’m two days in to this new experience and I’m extremely glad I’m here. Only because I am visiting myself from ten years ago, and realizing that I wasn’t such a bad guy after all.
3/4/08
So for the first time ever I’m really, really, comfortable on an airplane ride. Not to say that I don’t enjoy flying. I do, I really do. The problem has been that being as tall as I am, and broad shouldered I often feel cramped on these flights. Worried to take up to much space, worried that whomever is sitting next to me isn’t quietly cursing their bad luck to be seated next to a large person. I realize that is mostly my mind at work, but some things just become so ingrained. Such as being polite to whomever is sitting next to me. Today, though I have no one sitting next to me, in fact no one is sitting on either side of me. Whomever was supposed to be sitting in seats 14E and 14 F never showed, so for the first time ever I have a row to myself. It’s a nice way to start the second leg of my trip. With karma showing itself so blatantly, reminding me to keep my attitudes positive and my mind open.
You see earlier this morning when I arrived at the airport I went to Starbucks and placed my usual order of a venti mocha. I figured coffee would be a good thing considering how little sleep I had gotten the night before, and plus I had at least two hours to kill before my flight took off. So anyway I place the order and stand like a rat waiting for a pellet at the end of the counter. When an older woman, African American, wearing a very fancy scarf and sweater. Rushes up beside me and places her rather large purse on the pick up counter. She basically starts emptying out the contents of her purse all over it. I sighed heavily in mind. It seems when people travel they forget about most of the common courtesies. I don’t know if its because we focus so much on the the hassle of getting through security, finding our gates, and trying to convince ourselves the full to bursting bag should be considered a carry on. So this woman whom I’m sure was trying to find something drastically important in the fulfillment of her reaching her flight was forgetting that people needed to pick up their coffee from that counter. She hunted through packs of gum business cards, and hair clips finally finding five crumpled singles. She smiled at me broadly. I wasn’t sure why she needed the five bucks considering we all should have already paid before reaching the pickup counter, but I’m sure she had her reasons,
She held the five dollars tightly in her fist and swept everything else back into her purse in a single graceful motion. As if she was an old hand at vomiting up her life in public places, and then adeptly re-ingesting it back again into the black hole of her purse. The kind girl with the sad eyes, of someone who works in an airport starbucks politely called out. “VENTI MOCHA, UP!” I put down my bag and jacket so that I could receive my purchase and as I stood up I was greeted with an amazing sight. The woman was still smiling broadly at me, as she threw down the five dollars, grabbed MY mocha, threw that same smile to our disinterested barista, told her “keep the change!” and proceeded to quickly walk away with my mocha. I dumbly said “hey!” and she called back over her shoulder “thank you, sorry for the incovenience!”
WHAT THE FUCK? Was what the look both me and my barista shared. I briefly thought about chasing her down grabbing my mocha, throwing her to the ground, and then throwing the mocha, in her face. Was their really a person that existed that felt so self important that they could kidnap my coffee. Not even most of the people who grace the cover of US Weekly seemed that bold, and yet this woman had done just that. Should I punish her presumption, should I make a scene, a scene so large that it would make the final report in the evening news. The kind of reports that show the silly side of human life, where some guy has a woman arrested for “stealing(?)” his coffee. The more I thought of doing it the more ridiculous it seemed. I had two hours to go until my flight, almost a week to go until I got on the boat, and almost five months to go before I was home again where I could have a venti mocha that I could feel so protective of. Why bother hunting down a woman who needed caffeine more than I did. I simply showed my barista, my receipt, and within two minutes (two minutes where all she could talk about was how unbelievable that the woman had just done what she did, and I just nodded agreement not wanting to explain that as far as weird things in my life this hardly makes the top thirty) I had another mocha. I had been slightly inconvenienced and I feel now as I stretch my legs leisurely like a Persian cat on a leather sofa that patience, and kindness are truly sometimes rewarded.
Now if I could just get this bitch stewardess over here to give me another diet coke. Doesn’t she know who the fuck I am and that I have things to do?
3.5.08
So technically its now 3/6/08 but why quibble over numbers, I’ve met my cast and as far as I can tell I’m in very good shape. Don’t get me wrong I’m still horrible at meeting new people, and I harbor the suspicion that this new cast can’t really stand me. I’m sure I’m wrong but who knows we still have four months together. The apartment we’re staying at is once again amazing. It makes me hope that maybe just maybe I might get asked to perform in Chicago and stay in one of these places longer than a week. I am truly blessed. The apartment is great, the people are better (even if they secretly hate me). We did an hour meeting today and that was all we had to do. So I bought comic books and then watched a zombie movie which was delightfully bad. Once again totally blessed to have seen diary of the dead. WATCH IT! JUST FOR THE GUY WHO PLAYS THE FILM TEACHER. HE IS LIKE A GOOSE LAYING GOLDEN EGG AFTER GOLDEN EGG!
So the more important portion of today resides in me reconnecting with my oldest friend. I am ashamed to say in the last few years we haven’t spoken nearly as much as we should and I feel I am mostly to blame for that. What with being busy with shows and being married I feel like I have neglected one of my best friends in the world. I spent the evening with him and I realized just how long I’ve known him. TWENTY FUCKING YEARS!!!!! You know anyone that long, much less experienced what the two of us have experienced together (completely heterosexual hi-jinks of the highest order) and you realize how important those touchstones to your past are. Frankly my memory is so horrible that I could not name ten people I went to high school with, but thankfully I have that one person who is a key to the person I was that makes the roadmap to who I am so much clearer. I won’t go into to much detail but we went to a bar that we were practically the only patrons in and we were able to happily wallow in our past, and realize even though to the casual observer that our life paths are completely different, that we as human beings all go through the same shit. I love my friend now more than I think I ever have. Because his life is changing and in some ways he is so completely new to me and yet he reminds me of who I have been, and by who I have been I mean some of the best parts of who I am that I should always hold on to,
I’m two days in to this new experience and I’m extremely glad I’m here. Only because I am visiting myself from ten years ago, and realizing that I wasn’t such a bad guy after all.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Here I Go Again
Two Weeks? How the hell can two weeks be done already? How can I already be heading back to the cold of Chicago, to leave my wife, my home, and my friends for another four months? It seems ridiculous. The two weeks were just a blur of working at the health club again and seeing friends and family. Oddly enough most of whom had so few questions about my prior adventures that I ended up feeling like an ass most of the time saying things like "well on the boat", "Oh my gosh, one time on the boat." I assume it was because they didn't want to think about me leaving again, or maybe its just the way we are in California, or maybe they knew that any story I would tell would take up like four hours of their time and lets face it my friends need to sleep.
So here I sit having to be up in four hours but not able to sleep. I'm never able to sleep before these things. What will the new cast be like? What will the show be like? What will the boat be like? Have I made a huge mistake? Am I doing something great and as usual am just afraid? I assume its the last or that maybe just maybe I'm a little bit excited about this new adventure.
To anyone that reads this. I promise to try to be more diligent in my posts and to try to make more sense. For those of you who do read this blog, I will see you soon. To those who do not I will appear again in July.
So here I sit having to be up in four hours but not able to sleep. I'm never able to sleep before these things. What will the new cast be like? What will the show be like? What will the boat be like? Have I made a huge mistake? Am I doing something great and as usual am just afraid? I assume its the last or that maybe just maybe I'm a little bit excited about this new adventure.
To anyone that reads this. I promise to try to be more diligent in my posts and to try to make more sense. For those of you who do read this blog, I will see you soon. To those who do not I will appear again in July.
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Farewell for a fortnight
well its almost three am on my last night on the ship. It's weird that the months went by so fast and yet it also felt like I've been here forever. All my bags are packed and I'm heading back home. To briefly reconnect before jumping on another ship and hoping that I haven't made a grave error. I feel bad my blog wasn't nearly as informative or interesting as I would have hoped, but on the other hand I at least was somewhat regular in creating content for it. Even if that content was a bunch of profiles of people some of you may never meet.
All in all this was an amazing experience, easily the best job I've ever had. If only Jamie could be on the ship with me it would be perfect. I will miss this cast immensely (sp?). It always amazes me that I end up getting thrown in with ridiculously talented people. Thankfully they never quite caught on that I barely belong in the same league as them. So what will I miss about ship life? Not necessary to go over I'm only home for two weeks but I'm sure being back to real life even for two weeks there might be one of two things I'm misty eyed about. So without further ado
Naps
Waking up and seeing a rainforest
Shows for more than 300 people
People telling me how much they appreciated the shows
hearing James laugh in the room next door
Shawn saying "this guy" and then scratching my back
Tabitha surprising me by saying something like " you're vagina is like a baseball glove"
Katy dancing and playing zydeco
Natalie breaking in my arms as I play her like a bagpipe
The way we slowly make our way in out of New Orleans, it really is beautiful
Someone making my bed and doing my laundry
Sunday family dinners
James pretending to be Darin
Tabitha's dedication to the show Lost that equaled my own
Shawn's love of ice cream
Katy having her "party weeks" on a spreadsheet
Natalie singing Johnny Cash
Things I won't miss so much
The fact the food never changes
The size of the cabins
Getting written up by security because Katrina and Bobby are too loud
THe fact we came into roatan at 3:30 in the afternoon and had to leave by seven
Shitty internet
Immigration
ACCOUNTING
Things I look forward too while I'm home
Jamie
Jamie
Jamie
Jamie
My parents and siblings
La Fontaine
Marvel Ultimate Alliance
The Social
Jamie
Jamie
Jamie
Actually having money in my bank account
THings I'm not looking forward too while I'm home
I know jamie will make me take out the trash
that I have to leave again so soon.
I'll put up a bunch more pictures on monday. But my internet card is running out so I have to go and find more ways to stay awake since their kicking us off the boat at fucking six thirty in the morning and my flight doesn't leave until almost five.
Oh before I forget if any of my cast happens to read this (no worries there except for Natalie) I just wanted to say how lucky I was to work with all of you. I will miss you all very, very much and I truly hope that we all do stay in touch.
All in all this was an amazing experience, easily the best job I've ever had. If only Jamie could be on the ship with me it would be perfect. I will miss this cast immensely (sp?). It always amazes me that I end up getting thrown in with ridiculously talented people. Thankfully they never quite caught on that I barely belong in the same league as them. So what will I miss about ship life? Not necessary to go over I'm only home for two weeks but I'm sure being back to real life even for two weeks there might be one of two things I'm misty eyed about. So without further ado
Naps
Waking up and seeing a rainforest
Shows for more than 300 people
People telling me how much they appreciated the shows
hearing James laugh in the room next door
Shawn saying "this guy" and then scratching my back
Tabitha surprising me by saying something like " you're vagina is like a baseball glove"
Katy dancing and playing zydeco
Natalie breaking in my arms as I play her like a bagpipe
The way we slowly make our way in out of New Orleans, it really is beautiful
Someone making my bed and doing my laundry
Sunday family dinners
James pretending to be Darin
Tabitha's dedication to the show Lost that equaled my own
Shawn's love of ice cream
Katy having her "party weeks" on a spreadsheet
Natalie singing Johnny Cash
Things I won't miss so much
The fact the food never changes
The size of the cabins
Getting written up by security because Katrina and Bobby are too loud
THe fact we came into roatan at 3:30 in the afternoon and had to leave by seven
Shitty internet
Immigration
ACCOUNTING
Things I look forward too while I'm home
Jamie
Jamie
Jamie
Jamie
My parents and siblings
La Fontaine
Marvel Ultimate Alliance
The Social
Jamie
Jamie
Jamie
Actually having money in my bank account
THings I'm not looking forward too while I'm home
I know jamie will make me take out the trash
that I have to leave again so soon.
I'll put up a bunch more pictures on monday. But my internet card is running out so I have to go and find more ways to stay awake since their kicking us off the boat at fucking six thirty in the morning and my flight doesn't leave until almost five.
Oh before I forget if any of my cast happens to read this (no worries there except for Natalie) I just wanted to say how lucky I was to work with all of you. I will miss you all very, very much and I truly hope that we all do stay in touch.
Friday, February 8, 2008
The pictures are from me and Jamie's dolphin encounter. We got to swim with dolphins in the ocean it was pretty bad ass. So many pictures so little time. Actually so little time period. Only nine days until I return. So why don't we go through this trip by the numbers.
Days on boat: 137
Shows done: 63
Scripts completed: 0
Sketches written: 20
countries seen: 4
Islands seen: 6
Monkeys seen: 3
Books read: 12
Episodes of Lost watched: 73
Hours of warcraft played: Fuck you steven.
Bits created: 212
Weird propositions from passengers: 4
Weird propositions from crew: 1
White russians dranks: 42
Friends I've randomly run into: 2
Friends I've made: 32
Really good friends I've made: 5
Steamrollers given out: 4
Discussions about my rep in LA: 2
Times hypnotized: 2
Informative posts about my trip: 0 (sorry Ned)
Problems with accounting: My computer doesn't have an infinity key
Weight Lost: 23 lbs
Weight I should have lost: 40
Days I missed my wife: 130
Days I missed LA traffic: 0
Sunday, February 3, 2008
Thats all for today, unfortunately
Blog spot is having a problem so no more pictures today. More to come though hopefully on friday. Only two weeks left on the boat and I'm amazed at how the time has flown. It seems reviewing this I haven't said much about anything. Maybe Ill rectify that.
Guatemala or how Peter nearly killed a horse
As usual things get weird with my cast, even James is shocked
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