Nat Sullivan interview finale.

For the one person that enjoyed this flight of fancy (namely me) here is the end of the Sullivan interview.


Her gun raises again. Her attention is finally diverted from me. I sweep her legs out from under her. She comes crashing down like a ton of bricks. I leap on her and smash her head into the floor. For some reason even after being brutally knocked out she looks so adorable. Something metallic whizzes by my face. James then howls in pain. The gun drops from his hand. Three shuriken have embedded themselves into his arm. The person who threw them is rising to his feet. Fluet looks enraged. He rushes James and tackles him.

P: I love you like a fucking brother and you fucking shoot me! Do you know who I am. Do you know my rep!

J: You’re rep ain’t shit. Pittsburg! I mean Ontario!

Peter has his thumbs embedded into James’ eyes. I grab Katy’s gun. I aim it at the back of Fluet’s head. It’s a huge target. An easy kill shot. Not like I haven’t killed before. Before I can pull the trigger though, Shawn gently takes the gun from my hand. I don’t know why but I trust him to put an end to this. Around him I feel at piece. He cracks the butt of the gun over Peter’s head. He rolls off James.

S: That’s enough bubbles. We’re done here.

P: I’m not done! I’m full of beans!

S: Do I need to go down on you?

For some reason that stops him. For the first time I actually see a wash of fear come over Fluet’s face.

P: That won’t be necessary.

S: Now stay where you are. Natalie you mind tying him up?

N: With pleasure.

I quickly tie his hands and feet together with rope from one of the pallets. I do the same to Katy and Tab. Shawn notices my notebook.

S: Man you’ve written so much you would think it was one of Fluet’s blogs.

N: It probably makes as much as sense as one of his blogs. So Shawn you’re one of the good guys right?

S: Sure why not.

N: I mean you work for the Americans right?

S: I work for the Americans.

N: Thank god. Lets get security down here.

S: I’ll call them now. Hey have some ice cream.

N: I don’t know.

He scratches my back again. I feel so warm and comfortable. I think I want ice cream. He hands me the bowl he came in with, and I gorge myself on it. Its so good, I feel like I’m drifting away. The bowl seems to shatter from miles away. I’m lying on the floor.

S: Sorry sweetie. Between the sedative my nails are laced with and the sedative in the ice cream you’re going to go to sleep now.

N: No but you work for the good guys Shawn.

S: I work for the Americans, the Isreali’s, the Iranians, the Canadians anyone who is willing to pay for my services. Night, night.


I feel a little bad for Natalie, but she signed up for this. I just know how disorientating the process can be. I had a couple of setbacks myself. But lately I’m always full of beans. We’re in the conference room, waiting to hear from Gregg. Tabetha and I have made peace. These tours near the end are fucking tough on everybody. I’m surprised James and Natalie lasted as long as they did without needing to be reprogrammed. They’re both going to be great soldiers. Hellcat (Katy) and I were able to take care of the mirror situation. Unfortunately Kwami and Gaswirth escaped us again. The Americans are using Philipinos now too. I killed four kwami’s last night. For awhile I thought he was just coming back to life, but thankfully the Philipinos reverted to their natural form. Shawn is just finishing going down on her. It’s tech jargon for a mind wipe. Shawn has a real skill on going down on people. It’s practically a complete mind wipe, and he really seems to enjoy doing it. I’ve heard it makes people just feel warm and like they want to go to sleep. James really seemed to enjoy the process. I’m not sure why I’m still writing in this notebook. I guess I feel I owe it to Natalie, or at least the Natalie personality. The sweet girl from Chicago, who never knew that she was a killing machine. Or maybe I want this all to end, expose it all. I think the other Peter that lives in my head, would love nothing more to go home to Jamie. She’s my wife, I love her. But I also love Canada and my work is far from done. I hope Gregg lets James and Natalie come to Europe with me, even though they both tried to kill me I think we make a good team. Gregg’s face finally shows up on screen.

GREGG: So congratulations. You’re doing well.

T: Well except for le femme Nat-kita over there.

G: Great pun.

T: That’s what I’m here for.

P: I think we should put them back in the field immediately, sir.

G: I disagree give them both some time off.

P: Are you sure that’s the right decision. They are very valuable assets.

G: This isn’t coming from me. It’s coming from my superiors.

Gregg steps aside and I’m looking into the face of a legend. Eugene Levy is talking to my team personally, next to him stands a dead man. John Candy looks stern, like he always does.

JOHN CANDY: We have other plans for these two. They’re going home.

EUGENE LEVY: Hellcat you’ll be going home as well.

K: Thank you, sirs.

T: What about us.

EUGENE LEVY: We want you to keep working the Caribean. Tabetha you’ll remain team leader. Mr. Hanlon thank you for all you’re hard work, Canada is in your debt.

S: Just send me my fucking ice cream.

JOHN CANDY: Will do. Now Fluet I understand you had some anger issues. We need our operatives in control.

P: It won’t happen again. I promise. I live to serve mother Canada.

EUGEN LEVY: Well lets make sure it doesn’t happen again. Shawn go down on him. Levy and Candy out!

I feel nails on my back. I break into a run. I don’t want to be reprogrammed again. Not fucking again. I can hear the sounds of Shawn’s confident footsteps behind me. I get to Natalie’s room and use my universal key to get in. Shawn is pounding on the door. I have to

finish this entry. It’s done. I’m hiding it with a bunch of her other crap that is piled to the ceiling. Maybe she’ll get around to reading this and be able to save herself unlike me. The door is breaking down. Goodbye. It’s time for me to get filled with beans.


Jan 18th, windows

N: I feel like we already did this.

P: I don’t think so. Nice notebook.

N: I think its old. There’s a bunch of writing in it. Its probably terrible sketches from when I was younger. Do you mind if we make this quick, I kind of have a head ache.

P: No problem. Me too.

N: Favorite comedian?

P: James probably already took Bill Murray, so I’ll say John Candy. Orange whip really funny.

N: Choclate or Vanilla?

P: Choclate I guess. Not as much as Shawn though.

N: Brown or black.

P: Black. Black beans.

N: What?

P: Nuthin. Next question.

N: Caribean or New England.

P: New England. I felt like I was working less.

N: Elton John or Billy Joel

P: Eugene Levy. Ha,ha I don’t know why I said that.

N: And what’s the first thing you’re going to do when you get home?

P: See if I can get my old improv team Gonzales Arrives back on its feet. Or some version of it. Maybe take the act to Europe.

N: Final question: How long will we be friends.

P: Forever I think. Unless some shadowy organization orders us to kill each other.

N: You’re such a weirdo.