Just a quick update

So I'm sitting in a castle in lisbon portugal that for some reason has wireless internet. don't worry I'l go back to experiencing culture immediately but it did seem funny to me.

Love you all,

Peter

So this week was exhausting in both good and bad ways. The start of our last week in the caribbean was excellent we explored caves went snorkeling we hiked we explored.

pics

Trying to get as many pictures in as I can.

Sullivan interview part three

So here is the third part of the natalie sullivan interview. With any luck tommorrow being my last day in America for awhile I might be able to get a bunch of pictures up. But for now more weird and dense writing. read at your peril...of boredom


Tabetha my roommate, my friend has just come in with a sub-machine gun and she’s pointing it at me.

P: Tabetha look this is just a hiccup.

T: Pierre, we shouldn’t even be having this conversation. Bogart just called me about the Borgnine snafu. We are not here to kill just anybody, just who we’re assigned to kill. I swear you’ll pay for this, the next running order you’re in Sing It.

P: I didn’t kill Borgnine. Sullivan did.

T: You wouldn’t even be down here if you hadn’t insisted on the interview! I told you I could take care of her.

P: Like you took care of the bankers in Aruba? Gregg is still pissed about the mess you made there.

I wince as Tabetha gives Fluet a round house kick to the face. She’s on him like a cat. The sub-machine gun is inserted so deftly and quickly into his mouth, that Fluet is still trying to talk without realizing his brains are about to be splattered all over the floor. I can’t move, all I can do is write. I think Tabetha is going to kill me, next.

T: Shut you’re fucking mouth, filth. You don’t have the right to even say his name. You just call him sir, like the rest of us.

N: Gregg is in charge? He seemed so nice.

T: He is nice.

JAMES: No, he’s not. He’s a monster like the rest of us. Get the gun out of Pierre’s mouth, Tab. Now!

James has just walked in. He looks like he has been crying for the last four hours. He has a gun trained on Tabetha. Tabetha reluctantly pulls the gun out of Fluet (Pierre’s?) mouth and steps back.

P: Thank you James. At least someone’s programming is working properly. Now James take the gun from Tabetha and we’ll hash this out.

J: Go to hell.

My best friend, my sweet baby James has just kicked Fluet in the mouth. Fluet is making his patented out of control vomiting noises, except now he is vomiting up blood. James will not stop kicking him in the stomach.

J: You turned me into this you son of a bitch. I’ve killed ten people over this cruise, innocent fucking people man.

P: None of them we’re innocent. And I didn’t make you this James you chose this.

J: I just wanted to see the world. I wanted to get out of Ontario.

P: He’s from Ontario. Right. That’s right. I remember now.

T: This is exactly why Gonzalez Arrives is a mistake. Theses soldiers can’t keep their shit together.

P: No, Gonzalez Arrives works! We’ll just have to continue their education a little longer. This is precisely why new members of Gonzalez Arrives are placed with more senior members. Gregg agrees with me, you know he does.

N: Who else needs their education continued? Katy is a part of this too?

J: No, Natalie. It’s you. You’re part of Gonzalez Arrives.

P: You always have been.

No, no, no. It isn’t true. I’m not part of Gonzalez Arrives. I’m not a killer. Or am I. Visions flashing in front of my eyes. A congressman in Bar Harbor. Chinese Triads in St. John. The four people drowned in the caves in Belize. My name is Natalie Sullivan my parents traveled all over the world. We spent many years in Toronto. Is that right? That can’t be right. Can it? I’m a member of Comedy Sportz Chicago! (Toronto) I did long form at improv Olympic. I was approached by a Canadian official after doing a Harold at a Horton’s donuts. I don’t say a-boot. A-boot. That was the bit James and I were doing, we were pretending what it would be like if we were Canadian and somehow we ended up being our actual selves for the first time in years. We were part of Gonzalez Arrives, we were recruits together, lovers for a time, and then finally settling into a deep friendship. We took care of each other when the program got tough on both of us. We wanted to bring glory to Canada, we thought we could be killers maybe we were wrong. Or worse. What if we were right? I don’t remember it all. Do I remember enjoying the killing. We met Fluet there years ago. So fucking cocky and smug talking about the rep he had in LA. How high up he was in the organization he fucking practically took responsibility for creating the whole program. Well if he wants to take responsibility for it, he can have it because I’m going to fucking kill him.

T: Why does she keep writing?

P: Something caused a glitch in her programming. In both of them actually.

I nearly killed Fluet. I could feel his life slipping away from between my fingers clenched around his throat. James kept Tabetha covered. Although I think Tabetha wanted me to go through with it. Then the next thing I knew James was on the ground unconscious, and our music director Katy had thrown me against the wall and then knocked me out cold with a right hook forged in hell. Katy is currently standing on my neck and yet I keep writing.

KATY: We need to get back up there. The mirrors will get suspicious soon.

Mirrors?

T: Well we can’t send these two back up there. There programming is obviously not working.

P: It’s a fucking glitch. It happens. It’s like when I stop drinking diet coke and smoking. There is a breakdown in the wall between personalities. We’ll figure out what caused it and correct it. They are the best products that black ops or improv have ever produced! Lets get a game of Fred Schneider going it should reboot them. Silly warm ups seem to have a powerful effect on Natalie.

K: WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR FRED SCHNEIDER! JUST HAVE THEM DO UNIQUE NEW YORK. THE MIRRORS WILL START GETTING SUSPICIOUS.
N: Mirrors?

James’ eyes start to flutter open. We share a brief look, one of sad understanding. We might not get out of this.

N: How are you doing James?

J: (Weakly) Ontario.

He tries to do a fist pump. He can barely make a fist much less pump it. I need to save him.

N: Please let him go. I’ll do whatever you want.

K: I know you will bitch. Repeat after me you know New York, you need New York, you know you need unique New York. SAY IT!

N: You know New York, you need New York, you know you need unuck Noo Yak.

P: She’s not doing it right.

T: Gaswirth and Reuben are probably suspicious by know.

P: Reuben’s so smart he probably got suspicious as soon as we weren’t there for In the Mix.

N: What do Nick and Reuben have to do with this?

K: They’re our fucking mirrors, don’t you remember anything. Tab call Gregg see if we can waste these two.

N: Katy we’re friends.

K: Yeah, we are and I fucking love you Natalie but I’m not getting killed by those NSA fucks for you.

N:Rueben and Nick are NSA.

P: The Americans have become suspicious of us. They have created their own program of covert operatives to try and stop us. The NCL Production company are actually NSA,CIA and FBI operatives who went under a similar procedure to Gonzalez Arrives.

N: I wish Gonzalez would fucking depart.

P: If we were in a more public setting and not in the middle of this shit storm I might over react to that statement and leave the room. Anyway for each one of us they have to mirrors to stop us. You’re mirrors are Gaswirth and Katherine. Mine are Bree and Reuben. Reuben has come very close to stopping me on several occasions.

K: He’s so fucking smart, it’s like fucking scary. Like he’s a fucking psychic.

P: He didn’t get the role of IQ in Hairspray for nothing. Eventually before the crew ends our orders are to eliminate them. I assume their orders are the same.

N: I have to kill Nick and Katherine. I won’t.

P: You will.

K: Cut the fucking chatter lets get up to Majarini’s before they come down here and see us with our thumbs up our fucking asses.

P: I agree. Lets knock them out and try to persuade the mirrors they became overly intoxicated on libations.

SHAWN: I can hear you all the way from deck 5 poopsies. What’s going on.

N: Shawn drop you’re ice cream, you’re in danger none of them are who they say they are.

S: I got it covered.

He pulls Katy off my neck and gives my back a good scratching. He helps James to his feet.

J: Thanks man.

S: No problem. Lets go upstairs and sort this all out.

T: Fine. You two keep you’re mouths shut or I swear to god I will blow you’re faces off. I love you both but this mission is too important.

Tabetha holds up her semi threateningly she has taken her eyes off James. He cracks her in the head with his elbow, and then brings her head down into his knee. He confiscates the gun. Shawn just looks on bemused eating his ice cream. Katy raises her gun to James. James removes Katy from his sights, and instead shoots Fluet in the shoulder.

K: I can live with that.

J: We’re going upstairs, and we’re going to see security.

K: Like hell.

Her gun raises again. Her attention is finally diverted from me. I sweep her legs out from under her. She comes crashing down like a ton of bricks. I leap on her and smash her head into the floor. For some reason even after being brutally knocked out she looks so adorable. Something metallic whizzes by my face. James then howls in pain. The gun drops from his hand. Three shuriken have embedded themselves into his arm. The person who threw them is rising to his feet. Fluet looks enraged. He rushes James and tackles him.

P: I love you like a fucking brother and you fucking shoot me! Do you know who I am. Do you know my rep!

J: You’re rep ain’t shit. Pittsburg! I mean Ontario!

Peter has his thumbs embedded into James’ eyes. I grab Katy’s gun. I aim it at the back of Fluet’s head. It’s a huge target. An easy kill shot. Not like I haven’t killed before. Before I can pull the trigger though, Shawn gently takes the gun from my hand. I don’t know why but I trust him to put an end to this. Around him I feel at piece. He cracks the butt of the gun over Peter’s head. He rolls off James.

S: That’s enough bubbles. We’re done here.

P: I’m not done! I’m full of beans!

S: Do I need to go down on you?

So instead of bitching....lets start bleating

I feel like my blog lately has been one part my travels and two parts bitching about how Im having trouble uploading pictures. so I say lets stop bemoaning bad internet and instead tell a story to pass the time while I wait to see if a picture of Koko appears on this page.


Once upon a time, on a small island there lived a small goat. Although to him this island was quite large, in fact he had no idea that it was an island at all for within the twenty acres that he roamed with his family that was all he knew of the world. The goat's name was Terri Brambles. Now all goats are given extremely long first names. It is part of their heritage as being as they believe God's finest creation, and their names reflect the hard work that God put into them. Their first names on average take five days and twenty-three hours to say. There names being symbolic of the time it took for God to create the goat. The other hour he used to create the universe. So in the goat world it is not unheard of to only have your full name said three times in your entire life. Once when you are born, (the parents take turns saying the name), once when you're married (the ceremonies are quite long, as you can imagine!), and once when you die whereupon the entire herd will each say a few parts of your name (this limits funerals to only two days.)

Now as far as Terri's last name. Every goat has their own unique last name. Terri's last name came from his love of the bittersweet berries that grew in abundance in his area of the world. Unfortunately they were usually protected by thickets and brambles. Terri loved the berries so much though, that often he would stick his head right into a thicket and end up with a collar of brambles around his neck. Brambles his mother was losing patience in removing week after week, so most times if you saw Terri there were at least a few brambles around his neck.

Terri was black with white feet, small nubs for horns and a white stripe going down between his eyes and horns. His tail was sightly larger than average, something he got from his father's side. His eyes were golden with flecks of orange, and his tongue pink and long. He believed his voice quite beautiful and because he believed in its inheirent loveliness he liked to say everything loudly. So the world could better hear him. More often than not though, the rest of the goats in his world wished Terri would give it a rest. For when he was supposed to be napping under the mango tree with the other goat kids, he would frequently wander off to the edge of a cliff and call to his mother informing her loudly that he could not sleep because of the buzzing of the bees, or the twittering of the trash birds, or the crashing of the ocean was keeping him awake. His mother would crossly tell him to go back to napping so she could have a moment's peace.



WELL I GUESS THE PICTURE IS NOT COMING SO MORE ON TERI BRAMBLES LATER.......

Ryan says more pictures soon!

Enough for today, maybe more in Antigua

Erica feels the same way that I do. That trying to post photos in a timely manner is causing her to become an alcoholic.

I have to get back to the boat. So maybe in antigua my conneciton will be good enough to show you second city backstage, and get to the profiles of my new cast.

Blog you later!

Drips and drabs

I slowly gain headway in photo posting more from the auction. Ali gets down to the smooth groove and Mike institutes phase 2 of destroying Erica and Ryan's marriage. Sowing seeds of distrust while enjoying beer on a comfy couch.

More of the nine day

So we've just finished our last five day cruise but due to internet issues I'm still finishing up last week's nine day. So enjoy auctions and some other stuff.









As if there wasn’t enough drinking this week. They also had a crew party. They were doing an auction of crew members where if you were the winning bidder you would get to have dinner with another crew member. The proceeds went to crew welfare so I guess they could get more refrigerators for the room. Yeah, that’ll make an 18 hour shift in an engine room that much easier. Anyway Ali and Mike hosted and they did a great job.

Before that though they had a talent show. I tried to take pictures but it was too dark. They extended the party till 2:30 AM because the auction went so long. We ended the evening by doing a conga line for no good reason and then being the last people on the dance floor dancing like idiots.

Which for us isn’t that unusual. See the first week we were here I sang karaoke. 1. Because I love it. 2. Because they have videos while you sing the song. Now on another blog form another second city member had a video of the video for the song reunited. I don’t want to ruin it for you but it revolves around an American icon getting his girl back from a bad guy and climbing trees.

The video filled us so full of beans that when we went up to the spinnacker lounge that when the elevator doors opened this old couple were waiting to get on, and instead of politely getting out, we instead screamed at them and kept screaming until we hit the dance floor and then cleared it with our insane dance moves . I worry that if we keep it up we’ll be kept in the brig like animals and only allowed out during show time.

Dragon

Trying to make a concentrated effort to get all this blogging done. Yet, every place I go lets me upload A picture and then gives me trouble when I attempt to upload more. So anyway they had a talent show on the ship and this guy did a native dance where he was dressed as a dragon. It was pretty awesome. As awesome as my thoughts on how we are poised on the brink of a south american renessaince led by a socialist commonwealth, probably not. But erica if you want my thoughts on that you're going to have to ask!

To Round out an ugly american

My castmate Ryan is putting together a blog of his own please check it out


http://fulanodetal.wordpress.com/

His pictures are way better than mine, and once again he seems to have a handle on narrative flow better than I do. So if you like a logical progression of the events that unfold during our cruise please keep checking back to his blog. If you like chaos in your blogs then stay with this ugly american.

Rum party contd'

Internet being what it is some of the pictures are on the last post and some are here.

So both the improv and the sketch shows were good this week. I feel like I have a real handle on the sketch show and I’m getting to experiment with how I approach each of the scenes. Even my character from pictionary is turning into something different than what it was on the Spirit. The show is exhausting though. One because I need to be in better shape and two I’m in a lot of the show either jumping around, dancing, or screaming.

To celebrate how well our sketch shows went we decided to have a Rum party. The Gowlands had been given a huge amount of rum by Erica’s folks. So we decided to do some cast bonding, and to make things more interesting we decided to play a game of Asshole. Except instead of sipping beer we’d be sipping rum. Things of course went off the rails pretty fast. Soon the president of the game was making up rules that included us giving personal information to each other, and working out hypothetical situations where if we didn’t have significant others which of the Jean Anne Ryan company dancers we would do and why. It seemed weird that when I answered honestly that there was that much glee in my choice, and joking threats of telling my wife. I think when my cast is drunk they forget what hypothetical means. It means imaginary. Although maybe I was too graphic in my descriptions for comedic effect. My wife Jamie can attest to the fact that when it comes to coming up with gross sexual hypotheticals I’m in another league, a league that I think is only inhabited by myself and my friend Brent Gordon.

Soon we were drunk enough, that like all good improvisers we started joking about rape. I believe at one point I said something like ‘Sorry for raping you, I thought I gave you exctasy but it turned out it was a rufee. Trust me I am having stern words with my dealer. Love Peter.” The next thing I know I look up from pouring a drink and everyone is wearing name tags saying “Sorry for raping you, love Peter.” I had to admit that it made me laugh. Then a few rounds later I look up from my cards and everyone is wearing name tags that read “Sorry for stealing you’re identity. Love Peter.” While funny it made me think maybe I should be a little more discerning about what information I give these people. We then decided we should get some food before the crew bar closed, we arrived five minutes too late and decided to dance out our frustrations. After we closed out the crew bar we went back to the rum room now with a bunch of other people in tow. This is where things get hazy. I know we played more asshole and there were some startling revelations that I will not include here, and then the next thing I knew me and Ryan were talking very loudly about improv and it was six in the morning. At which point I called it a night.


The improv shows were very good, but not because of my contributions. I never quite got over the rum from the previous night. So through both the shows I felt like a passenger and not a participant in the show. I hate that feeling. Especially when the rest of my cast is making brilliant choices and I can’t seem to rise to their level. Anyway I went to bed early and promised myself I would do better next week.

The first show was so family friendly and yet funny that I was truly agape in amazement. The kids went nuts for us and I’ve never seen people so eager to be participants. This one little boy came up and helped us with a game where we’re asked questions and each of us only says one word at a time. The kid couldn’t stop laughing and he had such an adorable laugh that shook his whole body. His grandmother later told us that he saw our sketch show and asked her if people could actually get paid to be funny. After she told him yes, he decided at the age of six that’s what he wanted to do. Youth of America you’re welcome for inspiring you.

The second show or adults only show was the perfect blend of risky material and just good solid scene work. It never got to gross or offensive. Once again the audience went apeshit. Damn this a good cast.

So for the record, Jamie I pantomimed have disgusting sex with another person. If I have broken the trust between us I understand, but let me assure that pantomime woman means nothing to me. I love you baby, I love you. Besides blame the Gowlands for shoving that invisible slut at me. There was a lot of rum and I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Oh by the way pantomime girl said she missed her period, don’t worry I’ll take care of it. I’ve just met a pantomime doctor who says he can take care of it for me. See nothing to worry about. Oh shit, the pantomime doctor just shot the pantomime girl in the stomach. Oh crap he’s a pantomime psycho with a phd not a real hypothetical doctor!! Whew! He was just eaten by a hypothetical bear. See baby problem solved!

More pics before trying a different connection

Some final pics from Antigua and we move on to auctions, rum parties(The first pic is posted here), and some backstage stuff. Hopefully the internet connection will pick up and we can get to profiles as well.

Nine day continued

Tuesday was Antigua and we went to a huge resort called Jolly Harbor. It was a twenty minute bus ride to get there. The buses here are basically mini-vans and for some reason many of my fellow tourists are surprised when locals hop in as well. Apparently when you’re on vacation the word bus and taxi should mean the same thing. We had intermittent rain through the day, but the beach itself was wonderful. Erica made an astute observation that the countryside of Antigua made her think of the Midwest. I agreed there seemed to be a lot of grassy plains, and hills. The feel of the place didn’t scream tropical. At one point our bus driver stopped to give money to a fruit stand in front of a school. I didn’t know what he was doing and I thought he had stopped the bus just to talk to somebody. I thought it was kind of funny so I took a picture. The woman he was talking to was not pleased. He started shouting obscenities at the van. I thought about it for a while as to why she would be mad, and then I figured to her my snapping a picture was an act of arrogance. As if I was sitting in the van thinking “How adorable! They’re trying to raise money for a school by selling fruit. These people are so precious.” Which I wasn’t I was sitting in the van thinking ‘How adorable! He just stopped the van to talk to someone instead of taking us where we want to go. How funny. These people are just precious.” Its easy to fall into the arrogant tourist trap. Especially when you’re going to a beautiful resort to lie around on a beach, on a Tuesday.

Wendsday Bridgetown Barbados. Barbados for the most part reminds me a lot of Cazumel. Its not as gross but it does seem to have completely surrendered itself to the tourist market. Although I’m sure if I went in with Felipe he would take me to some museum and I’d feel like a dick. Went to the boat yard again. Which is just a nice beach and a crazy bar that the crew tends to go to. Didn’t bring my camera though.

I just took a break from writing and ran into Felipe and he mentioned that they have a national park in Barbados he’s thinking of checking out. Ahhhh Felipe stop putting the mirror up to this ugly American.

Thursday St. Lucia. I’m not a fan. Maybe I’m just not giving it a chance. Its just that whenever I get off the boat at this place the merchants are extremely aggressive about selling trinkets and island tours. Its like Roatan in that way, and I always end up hating myself a little because I become the guy who doesn’t even make eye contact with the people and pretending they just don’t exist.

We then finish things off with two days at sea. By the second sea day I have now spent three days straight on the boat. I tend to have little anxiety attacks by the third day. At which point a long walk around the ship tends to settle them down. I worry about the six days at sea we will spend to get to Europe. Since I will also be making yet another attempt to quit smoking. I see a lot of laps around the boat in my future

Sullivan Interview Part Two

We continue with the lost sullivan interview. Last time we checked in Natalie had just learned there was more to going to Roatan than she thought. Part of this explosive interview now.


P: Wow what a mess.

N: I thought he was you. The heavy footsteps, the labored breathing.

P: I know I have to quit smoking.

N: Do you think it hurt him?

P: You smashed his face in with a fire extinguisher. My guess is…yes.

N: Is it really him?

P: Yes, Natalie. You just killed Ernest Borgnine. I don’t know which is worse that you killed a beloved screen icon or that he makes you think of me.

N: I didn’t even know Ernest Borgnine was on the boat.

P: He was here to visit our beloved cruise director Darin. They actually were close friends.

N: What was he doing down here?

P: He’s like a hundred years old, he probably got lost. The better question is why you haven’t smashed my face in with that fire extinguisher.

N: I don’t…I don’t know…maybe because I think you have a gun and you’re not afraid to use it on me.

P: Well I do have gun, but I don’t want to use it on you. In fact I can’t use it on you because I haven’t been given that order.

N: Why did you kill those men?

P: It was my mission. I’m on this cruise to help destabilize certain central American governments. Those men were radicals who were trying to persuade their people into a new way of looking at foreign relations.

N: So you became an improviser as a cover for being a government asassain?

P: Sort of. Many improvisers have a certain moral flexibility that suits us very well to this line of work. Improvisers are recruited into these types of things.

N: I don’t understand…

P: I promise I’ll explain but first we have to clean up your mess. (Fluet pulls out a walkie talkie) I have a clean up deck three. I know you’re busy but this is a priority! It’s definitely a two man job. Tell him Natalie is down here. (He turns off the walkie talkie) Sit tight this will be all taken care of in a minute Sullivan. Are you still writing? That’s turning into quite an obsession.

N: I can’t stop.

P: Don’t worry I understand. We all deal with this differently. You should see the stuff I draw after I complete a mission. This one time I decapitate a guy with some hedge clippers and that night I drew a goat riding a squirrel. I called the picture emperor goat. Weird huh?

DARIN EARL: Ernest? You down here? Ernest?

Oh my god! What have I just done? I just smashed our cruise director’s face in with a fire extinguisher. I just keep bashing and bashing.

P: Well he’s not going to need anymore juice. How many people are you going to kill tonight Sullivan?

N: I’m going crazy.

P: No, you’re just in a very emotionally excited place right now.

BOGART: Hey Mr. Peter. Oh wow, this is a real mess.

ARNOLD: Heeeeeeey Natalie. You do this?

I’m watching in horror as Bogart and Arnold my room stewards start shoving Ernest Borgnine and Darin Earl into plastic bags. Standing behind them our two philipino servers.

P: You know what Darin used to say about what George Burns used to say “You’re only as old as the women you’re feeling.”
BOGART: That is a terrible joke.

P: I know I’m glad he won’t be saying it anymore.

ARNOLD: Heeeeeeeeeey Natalie. I once killed a guy too, maybe we should hang out.

BOGART: Arnold focus on you’re work!

Bogart just slapped Arnold. Arnold pulls out a knife. Fluet pulls a gun on both of them.

P: Everybody settle down. Finish you’re work. You two servers can you replicate them?

I must be crazy or a dream or maybe its both. Maybe I’m asleep in an insane asylum somewhere because there is no way I’m seeing what I think I’m seeing. The philipino servers give a curt nod to Fluet. Then they’re bodies stretch and almost melt like candle wax. Their bodies seize violently as they shift, transform, become Darin Earl and Ernest Borgnine.

P: Natalie stop violently puking. I know its gross. OK I’m going to lay all my cards on the table. Philipinos have evolved to the point that they can not only mimic the song stylings of American pop stars but can actually mimic people. The men I killed in Roatan have been replaced by most of the servers at Blue Lagoon. The people I work for have a deal with the Philipino mafia to help us in our goals of world transformation.

N: I can’t handle this. I can’t handle this.

P: Sullivan just listen to me. Do you want a smoke?

N: I don’t smoke.

P: Sometimes you smoke.

N: Yeah. Sometimes.

P: It’ll help. Here have one. Don’t worry I’ve got a lighter. Better?

N: No. Tell me everything.

P: For awhile my bosses have been cherry picking improvisers to act as a black ops corps. They use a variety of techniques to create two separate entities in one body. One of these entities is an improviser trying to find work as actor, the other is a hardened killer willing to die to complete its mission. The improviser has no knowledge of the killer.

N: How do they do this?

P: Oh the techniques? Drugs, hypnosis, chips implanted in the brain, a lot of zip zap zop and up you’re butt.

N: So which is the real you?

P: Both. I am both the Peter Fluet who spends an inordinate time with comic books, who is happily married, and I am also the Peter Fluet who snapped the neck of Guatemalan president and had him replaced by one of the members of Next Stage. You see to keep the personality split working correctly one needs to be in an almost constant state of improv to keep up the more pedestrian aspect of our lives.

N: This makes no sense.

P: You should really be watching Lost.

N: Lost explains this?!

P: No, but you should be watching it. Eight years ago I started doing improv and was contacted by a government agency. I believed in their goals and went through their training center to become this. The program that created me and the others like me was called Gonzalez Arrives. I was a founding member.

N: But James…James was a member of Gonzalez arrives.

My head is reeling. I’m watching the Philipino Ernest Borgnine and Darin Earl walk away as Bogart and Arnold are shoving two corpses out of a porthole.

P: James still is a member of Gonzalez arrives. He’s young but he’s been doing good work on this cruise. Although I need to speak to his trainers they really went into overkill in convincing him he’s from Pittsburg.

N: James isn’t from Pittsburg?

P: No one is that proud of Pittsburg.

N: Then where is he from?

P: Toronto I think, maybe Ontario.

N: He’s not even American?

P: No. Wait did you think we were working for the Americans? Oh Natalie. We work for the Canadians. I’ve told you from the start I was French Canadian. We are part of the first strike of the Canadian plan for world domination. Most of my time in Los Angeles was spent getting Arnold Schwarzenegger replaced by a Philipino and also selling sub-prime loans.

N: So Second City is just a front for Canadian black ops?

P: No. They have no idea what we’re doing. Its just convenient with all their touring companies it keeps our travel expenses low for our work. I mean come on we’re Canada we’re not rolling in money. But that is changing. Thanks to our work the Candian dollar is finally stronger than the American dollar. Wow. You can write fast Sullivan. You’re going to need another notebook soon.

N: Who else?

P: Who else?

N: Is it just you and James?

P: Well come on there is one of us who admits their a Canadian.

N: I don’t believe Tabetha is a part of this.

P: She’s the company manager who do you think I get my orders from? Beth Kligerman? Kelly Leonard? Don’t make me laugh. Tabetha is here to make sure we get our jobs done, and we get them done quickly and cleanly.

TABETHA: And this has just turned into a fucking mess Pierre.

More to come on tuesday in cazumel

I'm just glad I got a few more photos in. More on tuesday. Plus part 2 of the Sullivan interview

I ran into one of my new friends on the ship Felipe. He works in reception, he’s from Chile, he has two kids both “masculine” (as he puts it) and has such an easy going attitude it makes me think that I’m a real uptight and depressive fuck. I asked him where he was headed and he told me Tortola’s botanical gardens. He asked me where I was headed and I decided then and there I was going to the Botanical gardens. The gardens were lovely but small. I tried to get pictures of these huge lizards that were blue and black but they moved to fast. I did get a shot of some turtles. I asked Felipe why he was coming here since it seemed an interesting choice. He told me he was a grower of things. He wanted t o get some ideas on how to cultivate plants.

Felipe and I parted ways. I was headed back to the ship to do some writing and to get something to eat. He was going to do more exploring. He lightly chastised my choice though. His feeling was that if we have so much time being that the only work we do on the ship is our shows. Every day we should be filling our days with exploration of the islands and not getting back to the boat until the last possible second. That to have that much time and not fill it with drinking smoking, lying on a beach, or at the very least really seeing the places we were visiting, was just a complete waste. I had to agree with him. Even though it feels like I keep seeing the same places maybe I should spend more time seeing them. I asked what types of things he grew, I won’t say what his answer was but it really made me understand where he was coming from

Internet is acting like a jerk

So I have all these pictures to post and for some reason I can't get them to upload anywhere. Going to try one more place, if not successful. I'll upload in cazumel.

Nine day

So another nine-day cruise completed, meaning in just under three weeks we can leave the Caribbean behind and get to Europe. It can’t come soon enough. I love the Caribbean, but I really need to see something new. Even tropical paradises can get old after awhile. Busy week though. To start with I was informed of some errors I made in my previous posting. These errors are inexcusable and I’m glad my cast mates made it a point to make me feel a little stupid (as it is the only way I’ll learn). The schedule of the nine-day cruise is as follows Sundays are Samana. That is where the dogs on roofs and whale museum were; also I misspelled it in the previous blog. (Thank you Erica) I didn’t get off in Samana this week. It’s a nice enough port but we dock on a Sunday and most things are closed. There are some fun excursions from what I’ve heard but I need to save money for Europe.

Now Mondays are Tortola, which is always kind of fun. This is the island of narrow avenues and a great bookstore with an Internet café above it. The Internet wasn’t working this week so I just decided to wander with no agenda. I started taking pictures of interesting signage. My favorite being vote God into your heart. I don’t know why this had an affect on me. Something of the simplicity and silliness of the sign. That God and that faith in general are politicking to get into your heart and mind. Although the more I thought about it the word vote hit me. A vote is a conscious choice you have to step forward to make, it’s an action and not a passive acceptance of something. The sign might be a little silly but I think it carries more strength than this fast food church I saw. The other thing I loved was seeing a dianetics book listed under Satanism in a bookstore.

Sullivan Interview Part one

So as promised I’m going to reveal the hidden Natalie Sullivan interview on our time on the spirit. Natalie is a great cast mate and better friend. Thanks again for letting Jamie and me spend the night at your place. Since the room I was in, in the second city apartment was deemed:” Too hot to f***”. Although the phrase “too hot to f***” became the first bit of my new cast. Once again my bit creation rate remains high. If you get the chance please check out Natalie’s blog. Natalieyachtrocks.blogspot.com. It is far superior to my blog in most ways. (Note: Mom, Dad you probably should just skip over this posting. It’s going to be another one of those.)

While I love profiles where I just give my thoughts on people, Natalie loves interviews where she lets people give their thoughts on themselves. She interviewed all the ladies in our cast including James, but due to time constraints and a Lost marathon it was believed she never got around to interviewing myself and Shawn aka Ma-sheen. The truth is that she did in fact do those interviews. She just never posted them. Why, would she do that? Because the content of said interviews was controversial at best and life shattering for some individuals at worst. The interviews were so shocking that I had put a mental block on them. I did not recover these memories until I had read a book about a dentist who was working with the police to catch a serial killer and it turns out she had repressed memories and then through the course of the book she regained here memories. The book made me think what if I had repressed memories.

So instead of overreacting I used the ship phone (which costs $8 a minute) and called James’ Dad who had hypnotized me once before to help me quit smoking. I waited on hold for 45 minutes and then asked him to hypnotize me over the phone to see if I had any repressed memories. He was dubious at first, due to the fact something like that would take 4 and half hours of hypnosis. I explained how important it was, and finally he agreed. I got myself comfortable on the reception desk, and let myself be guided into a deep hypnotic trance. Seven hours later a memory was recovered, a memory of an interview on the Spirit with one Natalie Sullivan. James’ Dad and I discussed this for another three hours. I wondered why Natalie had never mentioned the interview; James’ Dad suggested maybe she had blocked it from her memory too. I asked if I could find and post the interview if it would be therapeutic for everyone involved. James’ Dad felt that it could very well be very damaging and I should leave it alone. I argued that if it was an interview about me, then the damage done to others was insignificant compared to my need to keep putting stuff in my blog. He then asked how many people actually read my blog, I informed him about four. He then asked me if my narcissism was worth permanently damaging four people. I was glad he finally saw things clearly and I promptly hung up with him, and worked out a plan on how to get that interview.

If Natalie didn’t remember the interview she might still have the notebook she used in her apartment. Remembering how Natalie accumulated stuff throughout our first cruise she might not have even finished unpacking. I remembered the notebook well. It was pink with a duck and a rabbit serving each other tea. Underneath the picture it read, “Friendship is always having enough lumps of sugar, because friendship is so sweet.” I think Katy had given her the notebook. (Gross. The notebook…not Katy) I then called one of my few friends left in Chicago; I won’t use his real name here so I’ll just call him Ttam Nolnacs. I asked him if he would be wiling to break into her apartment and steal the notebook. He told me, he had hockey practice and wouldn’t be able to do it. I was at a loss. If I couldn’t find someone who would commit a felony out of blind friendship how was I going to get that interview? I racked my brain thinking of other people I might know who would help me that lived in Chicago. I called my older brother and asked him but he informed me that he was suiting up to go to an event where people pretend that they are their dungeons and dragon’s characters for real and then beat the hell out of each other with nerf bats. I thanked him anyway, and he proceeded to keep talking about the event. I tried to thank him again, but he kept talking. He mentioned how one guy at this event had worn corduroy pants. “Can you imagine!?” He cackled with delight “A tree elf chieftain wearing corduroy? We could hear his pants swishing from a mile away!” I pretended there was static on the line and hung up. Then like a lightning bolt a thought hit me. Corduroy pants! There was someone I knew in Chicago who would be willing to break into an apartment to find out more about Natalie Sullivan! So I called this assistant presidential type person to help me. It took awhile to get him to remember who I was, so I asked him to put me on hold while he called Los Angeles and asked about my rep (I also instructed him not to call James about it, because he wouldn’t give an honest answer) an hour later he did remember me and asked what I was doing. I told him he had hired me to do another ship, and that I needed his help. I explained what I wanted him to do. I could hear his corduroy swishing as paced his office mulling my offer over.

“All right, I’ll do it, but any poon-ties I find I keep. Deal?” he asked curtly. “I guess?” I was unsure how to respond not knowing what poon-ties were. “Look if you want this done, I keep the poon-ties! I don’t want to hear you bitching that I didn’t send poon-ties along with this fucking notebook that is so important to you.” “What are poon-ties?” I asked as innocently as I could. I didn’t want to piss him off because I was hoping maybe he would have more work for me in the future. Although the fact he said poon-ties in a Transylvanian accent unnerved me. “Yeah, like you don’t know what poon-ties are?” He scoffed. ‘No.” Was all I could think to say. “Poon-ties, poon-ties, you know squirrel covers, pussy turbans, panties!” He screamed. “I keep whatever of her panties I find. Got it?” Came the snarl at the other end of this very expensive call. “Oh right, yeah sure, go crazy take what you want. I only want the notebook. Uhmm. Why do you call them poon-ties?” I asked. “ Why do you call them over-vaginalls?” He quickly retorted. “I don’t.” I said. “Well you should it would be fucking funny if you did. I’ll need another man on this. Which means less poon-ties for you.” He barked. “I just want the notebook, I’m not interested in her over-vaginalls.” I giggled in spite of myself. “See it’s funny.” He said. “Me and my partner will split the poon-ties down the middle, you keep the notebook.” “Fine.” I said. “Who are you going to use on the job?” “No real names.” he said, “Lets just call him Cricket.” “OK.” I responded. “Call him whatever you want just get me the notebook.” I was losing patience. “Fine. Fine.” he said. “I bet she has a mountain of poon-” I hung up before he could finish.

This all took place my first week on the jewel, now almost three weeks later I’ve received a call from the personnel office. They have informed me that 1.the notebook has arrived 2. They’ve heard about me from the spirit and security is keeping an eye on me 3. There is a hair clog in the water slide and I am a primary suspect. I’ve run down and gotten the notebook, left a threatening note with accounting to shut their fucking mouths, and taken a spin down the water slide. I am now ready to present to you the Lost Natalie Sullivan Interview…..

Jan 15h, 2008 11:28 pm Majarini’s

Spotlight on Peter Fluet! (pronounced flu-way) Peter “chi chi” Fluet is our other cast member from the City of Angels. Peter is the second of the three men (I use the term loosely) in my cast whom I will be interviewing. Peter is the only married person in the cast and his wife Jamie will be coming soon. Peter loves comic books, Lost, drawing cartoons, Teramasu and his wife. He picks me up in Bagpipe and has quite the rep in Los Angeles. Does he have thoughts in his head lets find out!!

Natalie: So Peter I notice that you’re drinking a diet coke. What a surprise.

Peter: Yeah, I probably drink too much of this stuff. I find that it helps fill my gas tank with be…

N: Beans. Yeah. We know you’re full of beans. You helped create Gonzales Arrives, you have a wife and you like comic books. You’re fucking awesome.

P: Uhhh yeah. Did we want to talk about any of that stuff?

N: No. Well thanks for taking the time to talk to me. Next week Shawn! Go smoke another cigarette Fluet.

P: So that’s it?

N: That’s it.

P: I’m getting the sense you didn’t really want to do this.

N: No this was super fun. Oh look it’s my real friend Jenna. Hey Jenna.

P: She can’t hear you. She’s going down on a gallon bottle of Barcardi. Does the shortness of this interview have anything to do with Roatan? You’ve been acting funny ever since we left.

N: I don’t know what you’re talking about.

P: Natalie stop writing this all down.

N: No. I need to write it down. I need it on a paper. That way its real.

P: Stop writing!

N: No I have to keep writing. Something happened in Roatan I have to expose the truth. Oh my god, I remember now….I remember….

P: So you do remember Roatan. Unfortunate.

Where am I? We were in Majarini’s. Oh God, we’re in a crew stairwell. No cameras. I should stop writing and come up with a plan.

P: I’m sorry about knocking you out with the nerve pinch. You should really stop writing. I can talk you through this.

N: TALK ME THROUGH THIS? I SAW YOU KILL THOSE PEOPLE!

P: Would it help if I told you those twenty-three men in Roatan weren’t good people.

N: No. Murder is murder. You’re a murderer.

P: I’m a patriot.

N: Go to hell.

I kick him in the balls. He wasn’t expecting it. I’m free. Fuck. I’m lost. Why weren’t we put on the crew manifest? I have no idea where I am on the ship. Just stop here. Hide behind this pallet of Colombian Emeralds. In case I don’t make it out of here I should tell my story. The last time we were in Roatan I witnessed my cast mate Peter Fluet gun down twenty-three men at an internet café just off the port. I didn’t even know he was off the ship. He claimed he was having accounting problems again. I had gone into port hoping to find a hammock at a bargain price but the incessant heat and the kids pestering me for dollars made me cut my trip short. I had just taken a picture of a goat with a squirrel on its back. I had just come up with a great one liner to go along with the picture and decided to post it on my blog. The internet café was just a room on the second floor of a realty building. Usually tourists flock there because there is a bar adjacent to the internet café. I didn’t even notice that the place was barren. I think there were some kids telling me not to go up there. I thought they were just asking for more money. Now I know they were lookouts for Fluet.

Fluet where is he? Do I smell the reek of cigarettes? He might be close. Just finish this and hide the notebook. So I walked up to the door of the café and I heard Fluet on the other side of the door. I burst in to greet my friend and show him my emperor squirrel picture. What I found was twenty three men between the ages of 20 and 60 bound and gagged on the floor of the internet café. Fluet’s lumbering pacing was the only sound in the room. He turned and saw me, his eyes rolled and he pointed a gun at me. “Close the door.” He said. I couldn’t speak. I just closed the door. Trying to make sense of it. There was someone else standing in the corner, but I can’t remember his face. Fluet almost seemed to defer to him for advice on what to do next. I can still hear the booms of the gunshots. He shot those men as calmly as he was throwing darts into a board. He had to reload three or four times to get the job done. When he was finished he turned and smiled a sad smile.” What do you expect Natalie? I’m full of beans. You should know what that’s like.” Then the figure in the corner came forward and I don’t remember anything else. In fact I didn’t start remembering again until this morning. We were doing some bit me and James, and then suddenly the memories started flooding back. I think James started crying I’m not sure. I immediately had to run to my room to vomit. Then Fluet came and insisted on the interview. Why didn’t I run and tell someone? I think because I didn’t want to believe it, that maybe it was dream. It’s not a dream. I’m trapped on a boat with a psychopath. Oh God, he’s coming. Mom, Dad I love you.