Hard to say really, I wasn’t always so universally loved, or should I say people’s love for me was so great that it terrified them, because the love they were experiencing for me is close to the love GOD has for all of us. I’m kind of like that monolith that shows up in front of the cavemen in 2001 A Space Odyssey. They know they are looking at something amazing but its beyond their comprehension and they start throwing bones at it and then beat the shit out of each other. People look at me and the love they feel is so great and overwhelming that their primitive minds go crazier than a monkey in a polio vaccine factory and they start throwing things like dirt, stones, beer bottles, precious moments figurines. Instead of beating the shit of each other though people want to beat the shit out of me, because the overwhelming power of the love they feel toward my inherient greatness nearly cripples them, and no one wants to be a cripple. Ask anybody in a wheelchair and they’ll admit that if the disease of accident that put them there were an actual human. (Let’s call this human Darin, for fun’s sake) Darin would have his schedule chock full of ass whippings, beatings, blugeonings, and anvils dropped on his head.
Yet I know what you’re saying to yourself. Peter I’ve never wanted to physically assault you. I love you! Ahhh there is the rub. You’re not feeling the full amount of love you possibly can feel to me. I hide my full glorious potential until such time as the human race has evolved enough to comprehend it without their heads exploding or having to push my face into a puddle with dog feecees in it. I mask my glory. I’m an actor I have training in doing this. Yes I hide my glorious wonder with a costume of buffoonery and ineptitude. I had to learn to do this quickly because my older brother loved me so much he nearly killed me on several occasions. My mother loved me so much she knocked out a tooth with a magnetic belt. My dad loved me so much he pushed me down a flight of stairs in a box. (Note: My older brother was in the box too. He is also loved just not as much as me) So I soon learned from the angel Gabriel who climbed in my window one night in a ski mask, and holding a loft his flaming flashlight and bowie knife that I was special that my dislike of soup was actual the sign of God’s special love for me. You see the greatest trick the devil ever played on mankind was to make us all believe he doesn’t exist and that soup is good. That I was in fact a divine being sent to help people by making them realize how much they love me. He then took my piggy bank and my younger brother’s twin Denward. He told me God needed money for the waterbill and God’s wife couldn’t have babies and had taking a liking to Denward in a JC Penny. Who was I too argue with the will of God?
So now I pretend to be just normal like the rest of you. With a big dumb grin, silly dances, misspoken words (yeah, Sharon I mispronounce words on purpose so the love you have for me doesn’t kill you! In your face! With my love!) I make myself less until you are ready to fully accept in your hearts the love you have for me. Don’t believe me? Look at my cast and friends on the boat who have only known me two months, see how their love for me is killing them? My director TJ had to spread his arms SO WIDE just to show me a fragment of the love he has for me. Oh and I found the angel Gabriel. God turned him into Santa Clause! Then I guess he somehow got chemical burns to the face. Oh and animals and bones love me too!
Animals and bones going crazy for me
How much love? This much love?
alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5142078374883736114" />Guess what Natalie just figured out how much she loves me…….shhhhh it’s a secret. Her head exploded three seconds later.
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