Sullivan Interview Part Two

We continue with the lost sullivan interview. Last time we checked in Natalie had just learned there was more to going to Roatan than she thought. Part of this explosive interview now.


P: Wow what a mess.

N: I thought he was you. The heavy footsteps, the labored breathing.

P: I know I have to quit smoking.

N: Do you think it hurt him?

P: You smashed his face in with a fire extinguisher. My guess is…yes.

N: Is it really him?

P: Yes, Natalie. You just killed Ernest Borgnine. I don’t know which is worse that you killed a beloved screen icon or that he makes you think of me.

N: I didn’t even know Ernest Borgnine was on the boat.

P: He was here to visit our beloved cruise director Darin. They actually were close friends.

N: What was he doing down here?

P: He’s like a hundred years old, he probably got lost. The better question is why you haven’t smashed my face in with that fire extinguisher.

N: I don’t…I don’t know…maybe because I think you have a gun and you’re not afraid to use it on me.

P: Well I do have gun, but I don’t want to use it on you. In fact I can’t use it on you because I haven’t been given that order.

N: Why did you kill those men?

P: It was my mission. I’m on this cruise to help destabilize certain central American governments. Those men were radicals who were trying to persuade their people into a new way of looking at foreign relations.

N: So you became an improviser as a cover for being a government asassain?

P: Sort of. Many improvisers have a certain moral flexibility that suits us very well to this line of work. Improvisers are recruited into these types of things.

N: I don’t understand…

P: I promise I’ll explain but first we have to clean up your mess. (Fluet pulls out a walkie talkie) I have a clean up deck three. I know you’re busy but this is a priority! It’s definitely a two man job. Tell him Natalie is down here. (He turns off the walkie talkie) Sit tight this will be all taken care of in a minute Sullivan. Are you still writing? That’s turning into quite an obsession.

N: I can’t stop.

P: Don’t worry I understand. We all deal with this differently. You should see the stuff I draw after I complete a mission. This one time I decapitate a guy with some hedge clippers and that night I drew a goat riding a squirrel. I called the picture emperor goat. Weird huh?

DARIN EARL: Ernest? You down here? Ernest?

Oh my god! What have I just done? I just smashed our cruise director’s face in with a fire extinguisher. I just keep bashing and bashing.

P: Well he’s not going to need anymore juice. How many people are you going to kill tonight Sullivan?

N: I’m going crazy.

P: No, you’re just in a very emotionally excited place right now.

BOGART: Hey Mr. Peter. Oh wow, this is a real mess.

ARNOLD: Heeeeeeey Natalie. You do this?

I’m watching in horror as Bogart and Arnold my room stewards start shoving Ernest Borgnine and Darin Earl into plastic bags. Standing behind them our two philipino servers.

P: You know what Darin used to say about what George Burns used to say “You’re only as old as the women you’re feeling.”
BOGART: That is a terrible joke.

P: I know I’m glad he won’t be saying it anymore.

ARNOLD: Heeeeeeeeeey Natalie. I once killed a guy too, maybe we should hang out.

BOGART: Arnold focus on you’re work!

Bogart just slapped Arnold. Arnold pulls out a knife. Fluet pulls a gun on both of them.

P: Everybody settle down. Finish you’re work. You two servers can you replicate them?

I must be crazy or a dream or maybe its both. Maybe I’m asleep in an insane asylum somewhere because there is no way I’m seeing what I think I’m seeing. The philipino servers give a curt nod to Fluet. Then they’re bodies stretch and almost melt like candle wax. Their bodies seize violently as they shift, transform, become Darin Earl and Ernest Borgnine.

P: Natalie stop violently puking. I know its gross. OK I’m going to lay all my cards on the table. Philipinos have evolved to the point that they can not only mimic the song stylings of American pop stars but can actually mimic people. The men I killed in Roatan have been replaced by most of the servers at Blue Lagoon. The people I work for have a deal with the Philipino mafia to help us in our goals of world transformation.

N: I can’t handle this. I can’t handle this.

P: Sullivan just listen to me. Do you want a smoke?

N: I don’t smoke.

P: Sometimes you smoke.

N: Yeah. Sometimes.

P: It’ll help. Here have one. Don’t worry I’ve got a lighter. Better?

N: No. Tell me everything.

P: For awhile my bosses have been cherry picking improvisers to act as a black ops corps. They use a variety of techniques to create two separate entities in one body. One of these entities is an improviser trying to find work as actor, the other is a hardened killer willing to die to complete its mission. The improviser has no knowledge of the killer.

N: How do they do this?

P: Oh the techniques? Drugs, hypnosis, chips implanted in the brain, a lot of zip zap zop and up you’re butt.

N: So which is the real you?

P: Both. I am both the Peter Fluet who spends an inordinate time with comic books, who is happily married, and I am also the Peter Fluet who snapped the neck of Guatemalan president and had him replaced by one of the members of Next Stage. You see to keep the personality split working correctly one needs to be in an almost constant state of improv to keep up the more pedestrian aspect of our lives.

N: This makes no sense.

P: You should really be watching Lost.

N: Lost explains this?!

P: No, but you should be watching it. Eight years ago I started doing improv and was contacted by a government agency. I believed in their goals and went through their training center to become this. The program that created me and the others like me was called Gonzalez Arrives. I was a founding member.

N: But James…James was a member of Gonzalez arrives.

My head is reeling. I’m watching the Philipino Ernest Borgnine and Darin Earl walk away as Bogart and Arnold are shoving two corpses out of a porthole.

P: James still is a member of Gonzalez arrives. He’s young but he’s been doing good work on this cruise. Although I need to speak to his trainers they really went into overkill in convincing him he’s from Pittsburg.

N: James isn’t from Pittsburg?

P: No one is that proud of Pittsburg.

N: Then where is he from?

P: Toronto I think, maybe Ontario.

N: He’s not even American?

P: No. Wait did you think we were working for the Americans? Oh Natalie. We work for the Canadians. I’ve told you from the start I was French Canadian. We are part of the first strike of the Canadian plan for world domination. Most of my time in Los Angeles was spent getting Arnold Schwarzenegger replaced by a Philipino and also selling sub-prime loans.

N: So Second City is just a front for Canadian black ops?

P: No. They have no idea what we’re doing. Its just convenient with all their touring companies it keeps our travel expenses low for our work. I mean come on we’re Canada we’re not rolling in money. But that is changing. Thanks to our work the Candian dollar is finally stronger than the American dollar. Wow. You can write fast Sullivan. You’re going to need another notebook soon.

N: Who else?

P: Who else?

N: Is it just you and James?

P: Well come on there is one of us who admits their a Canadian.

N: I don’t believe Tabetha is a part of this.

P: She’s the company manager who do you think I get my orders from? Beth Kligerman? Kelly Leonard? Don’t make me laugh. Tabetha is here to make sure we get our jobs done, and we get them done quickly and cleanly.

TABETHA: And this has just turned into a fucking mess Pierre.